Just Another Layer
by greymind
Summary: Beckett gets sick and Castle uses it as an opportunity to try to peel another layer off the Beckett onion.
1. Chapter 1

Esposito looks at the clock yet again. This is the last place he imagined he'd be on a Friday night. Just a few hours ago he was at the precinct bragging to Ryan about his hot date for tonight. Of course, that was before Beckett had scared the hell out of them.

"Esposito!"

The detective looks up shocked to see Castle running towards him, his eyes as panicked as his voice, "Easy bro. Beckett's fine."

"Fine?" Castle has never hated that useless word more than in this moment, "What happened?"

"Bad case of the flu. She took a header in interrogation." With Castle looking like he is about to jump out of his skin, Esposito makes a point to keep his voice calm.

Castle's jaw drops, "Ouch"

"It was crazy bro. One minute Beckett's standing there playing the perp like a fiddle and the next bam! She's flat on her back." Recounting the scene, Esposito winces at the embarrassed look on Beckett's face when she came to. Before he came to the hospital, he'd made it clear to everyone within earshot that there'd be trouble if anyone dared to repeat that story. Of course, that doesn't include him or Ryan. Esposito can't help but smile at the thought of torturing her with it, "Docs want her to stay overnight."

Relieved Castle sits down in the hall across from Esposito, "Thank god she's ok."

"How was L.A.?"

"Sunshine, tequila, hot girls in teeny bikinis," not quite convinced his muse is okay, the author fails miserably at an attempt to flash his trademark playboy smile, "got back this morning."

"How'd you know Beckett was here? You got spies following her when you're not around."

"No, but that's not a bad idea." Castle sighs. With all due respect to Esposito, what he really wants is to see for himself that Beckett's okay, "Had lunch with Alexis, then some meetings this afternoon and thought I'd stop by the precinct to see what I'd missed before going home. Karpowski told me Beckett was here. I tried calling her a few times but it went straight to voice mail." By few he meant ten and if he were being completely honest, Castle would be confessing that as soon as Karpowski mentioned hospital, Beckett and ambulance he was already out the door without hearing what had actually happened. All he knew was that he needed to get to her.

Esposito smirks and Castle stares at him with wide, innocent eyes, "What?"

"Nothing bro." Esposito's sure the only thing Castle wanted to see at the precinct was one tall, hot detective with the initials KB. The writer's never been shy about his physical attraction to Beckett but Esposito can't quite figure out why he refuses to admit that he has actual feelings for her. As much as he wants to know the answer, he knows now is not the time. Anyway, he's sure he'll have another opportunity. "You couldn't reach her because we had to confiscate her cell phone. It was either that or the doctors were going to restrain her."

For the first time since hearing Beckett was in the hospital, Castle relaxes as an image of a scantily clad Kate Beckett restrained in his bed flashes through his mind.

"That is sick bro, real sick."

Castle smiles, the mischievous twinkle back in his eye "Yet so incredibly sexy."

Leaning against the door, Esposito laughs as he shifts his eyes towards a closed observation room his boss occupies, "Beckett's in there trying to figure out how to get them to spring her tonight."

As if on cue, Kate Beckett's voice can now be heard in the hallway. In an instant, Castle's fantasy takes a backseat to concern and he moves towards her room, "She seems pretty upset. Maybe I should…"

Putting his hand up to his friend's waist, Esposito shakes his head, "Not if you value your life."

Castle raises an eyebrow at Esposito's sudden change in tone.

Esposito looks around the hallways, "Look, she's alright. Ryan's in there," he lowers his voice, "thing is Beckett hates hospitals and the emergency rooms of New York City don't like her very much either."

Castle laughs, "Right. You really expect me to believe Wonder Woman's afraid of hospitals?" Over recent months, Beckett, Esposito and Ryan had taken to pranking him on a fairly regular basis and he's been at several hospitals with Beckett without any problem. Unconvinced, he stares at Esposito who still isn't smiling, "You can't be serious?"

"As a heart attack. She's fine with visiting them but tell her she can't leave and the control freak completely wigs out. Always refuses to stay and 90% of the time she gets her way."

Now he's even more intrigued, "And the other 10%?"

"Lanie usually comes in and works her sisterhood voodoo but she's …"

"Out of town. "

"Yup. Too bad for us and Beckett because this is not going to end well."

"So why is Ryan in there trying to convince her and not you?" Of the two detectives Esposito is always the one keeping an eye on Beckett. He hides it with good natured teasing and grumbling but Castle knows Esposito is very protective of Kate.

"Ryan drew the short straw," cracking the door with a big smile on his face.

From the doorway, the two men listen to a yelling Beckett, "Ryan, I swear if you don't get me my clothes I'm signing that transfer to traffic as soon as I get out of here."

"Take it easy Beckett. You're gonna give yourself a stroke." Kevin Ryan's been trapped in his boss' room for over an hour taking the brunt of her displeasure. He can't believe the woman who passed out a few hours ago is still arguing with him. Not that he should be surprised considering she's the most stubborn person he knows.

Castle cringes as Esposito lets the door close, "Did she really just threaten to send him to traffic?"

Esposito smiles proudly, "Yeah and I just made 20 bucks. Thank you Detective Beckett. You know, maybe you should go in. Ryan could probably use the help."

"Uh no. I think I'll observe a bit more." His mind is racing trying to put all of the pieces together to the latest Beckett puzzle. It's true she loves being in control but that doesn't explain why she'd be upset about staying in the hospital for one night. She's faced much worse in her life. "Okay, spill. What's so scary about hospitals?"

"Don't know." Esposito doesn't bother looking at Castle.

"Oooh, not your best bluff detective. You know a lot more about the lovely Kate Beckett than you pretend to which is why you're always winning these bets with Ryan."

"Leave it alone Castle." The man was right of course_. _Esposito knows exactly why Beckett doesn't want to stay. He's just not willing to share it with Castle.

Not satisfied, the writer decides to see Beckett for himself. Opening the door, he's greeted by her voice firm as ever, "Look Ryan, get that doctor back in here with my discharge papers or I'm going to have to tell McConnell that you hooked up with his sister. You remember what he said would happen after last time don't you?" Still hidden by the curtain surrounding her bed, Castle is reassured that his detective's still fighting.

"You know I can't. Captain made it clear I'm not supposed to let you out of my sight until he gets here." Ryan checks his watch again wondering when the Captain's going to get here. He's not sure how long he can keep it up with Beckett, plus, he's more than ready to start his weekend and plan his revenge against Esposito for Monday.

Realizing she's running out of time and options, Beckett tries a different approach, "Look Kevin. The Captain doesn't need to know. It can be our little secret. What do you say?"

Esposito clears his throat and Castle shuts the door just as Captain Montgomery walks up. The last thing Beckett needs is for the Captain to hear her trying to convince Ryan to disobey a direct order.

"Gentlemen. How's she doing in there?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note:_

_Just wanted to give a HUGE thank you to everyone whose read, reviewed this story and added the story to their favorites and alerts. It was great seeing them come through on my mobile. Love the story feedback. Hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_Oh and Whatarushh don't think you're off the hook for your Beckett sick fic ___

**Just Another Layer - Chapter 2 **

Esposito clears his throat and Castle shuts the door just as Captain Montgomery walks up. The last thing Beckett needs is for the Captain to hear her trying to convince Ryan to disobey a direct order.

"Gentlemen. How's she doing in there?" He doesn't know why he's even asking. The look on both their faces confirms what he already thought. Detective Kate Beckett's being a pain in the ass.

"She hasn't killed Ryan yet but, uh, she's not budging."

"Of course she isn't. Why would Beckett make this any easier?" Montgomery shakes his head and starts pacing, "A man sits through a full day of meetings starting at the crack of dawn and can't even enjoy a nice steak dinner and bottle of wine without something or someone screwing it up."

A shocked Castle isn't sure what to do next. He can't remember ever seeing Montgomery yell. Then again, he's never had to because the stern voice he uses almost always accomplishes what he needs it to.

His jaw clenched, Esposito stands a little straighter as the Captain stops directly in front of him, "Beckett had no business interrogating that suspect. I'm holding you and Ryan partially responsible for this mess. You should've made her go home?"

Finally! Someone else being upset about Beckett gives Castle some satisfaction. Montgomery's right. She shouldn't have been working today. Castle can't stop himself from thinking that if he had been with her this week instead of in California, they wouldn't be standing in an emergency room right now. No, by now, he would have her home wrapped up in her favorite blanket watching a movie marathon. A big smile creeps onto his face as he imagines Kate asleep with her head on his shoulder.

Castle's picture of he and Beckett is shattered by Esposito's rather loud defense of himself, "Sir? It's Beckett. We both know the only person making her go home is you."

"As true as that may be Detective Esposito, you still knew I told her not to come in today. We are not done discussing this." Dressing down his detectives is not Montgomery's favorite part of the job. Today, though, Esposito needed to understand that as good as he Ryan, and Beckett worked as a team there were times when Beckett did not know best and it was their responsibility to step in.

"Yes sir." A defeated Esposito makes his way further down the hall towards Castle, "Well that sucked."

Seeing Montgomery turn around, Castle's eyes bug out realizing Esposito's words were apparently louder than either of them thought.

"Excuse me detective."

Castle jumps in for a speechless Esposito, "He was just saying how this situation sucks and I think he's got a point."

Montgomery stares down Castle without success and Castle decides to seize the opportunity, "Captain, may I speak with you for a minute. Alone."

Relieved to be out of his boss' crosshairs for the moment, Esposito nods to Castle who's dragging the Captain further down the hallway.

Confident they're out of Esposito's earshot Castle takes his best shot, "Captain, can you shed some light on what's got Detective Beckett so worked up?"

"Simple. The woman hates hospitals." Montgomery isn't the least bit surprised this is what Castle dragged him down the hall for, and, his answer while not the whole truth is true, "That makes her no different than most cops Castle. Hospitals are a reminder of mortality, and, cops get plenty of those without being stuck here overnight."

Castle laughs in disbelief that they really think he's that easy, "C'mon Roy. There's more to that story and you know it. I'm just worried about her."

"Not this time Rick. If you really want to know, you're going to have to get that answer from the source herself. If I were you, that's not something I would try to accomplish tonight." Montgomery heads back down the hall eager to escape Castle's questioning. It doesn't take a genius to see how much this is affecting his friend or the effect that Beckett has had on him. He just wonders how long it will take Beckett to realize just how much Castle cares about her.

Shot down again, Castle's frustration is reaching a boiling point and his mind is racing. What are they hiding about Beckett? More importantly, why are they hiding it from him? He's been embedded in the NYPD for over a year. That's long enough that he thought they accepted him as true member of their team. Do they really think they can't trust him?

"How do you want to handle this Captain?" Esposito's trying to get back on track. The longer he looks at Castle's dejected face, the worse he feels for the writer.

"First, tell me what the doctor said."

"That Beckett needs to stay. She's been sick for about a week longer than she let on. They hooked up an IV to get some fluids in her, but they're pretty much done until she either chills out or passes out."

Castle slouches down into the chair. The idea of Beckett passing out makes the knot in his stomach even bigger. How could he not notice she was sick before he left? He does remember her being quiet those last few days but he thought maybe Beckett was upset that he would be away. That maybe she'd even miss him. It was the longest they'd been apart since the time she kicked him out over her mom's case. He shakes his head forcing himself to snap out of it. What is wrong with him? A girlfriend would be upset that he was going out of town. Kate Beckett is not his girlfriend.

Taking a deep breath Montgomery walks over to the door of Beckett's room, "Let's get this over with," he stretches his arm towards the door, "After you Esposito."

The detective sighs at his punishment then turns to Castle who hasn't moved a muscle, "You coming?"

The writer looks up as if he's studying the two men, "Thanks but I'll just wait here."

Now it's Montgomery and Esposito's turn to be confused. Since the moment he met Beckett, Castle's gone out of his way to make sure he was in on everything and anything that involved her. This is not the Rick Castle they have come to know.

"Clearly there's something else going on here and I don't want to upset Beckett anymore than she already is." He knows his voice is more sincere than they're used to and it surprises them. Part of him is surprised too. Surprised by his overwhelming desire to take away Kate's pain and if that means not intruding on her private moment then so be it. He's just going to have to take their word for it that she's okay.

"Whatever you say bro," Esposito disappears into Beckett's room unsure whether Castle has the right idea but wishing he was the one who could stay in the hallway.

"Castle, I doubt that's possible but ok." Montgomery then follows Esposito into the room.

Leaning back in the chair Castle rubs his tired eyes. He is not a patient man in these situations. He's a man who relentlessly solves mysteries. How can he not solve Kate's? She's his muse after all. No, she's more than that. He just doesn't know what. What he does know is that trying not to focus on how much he wants to be in that room with Detective Kate Beckett right now is like dying a slow, painful death.

_Author's Note:_

_Okay, so there was no Beckett in this chapter but don't you worry. There's plenty of Beckett and Castle in the remaining 3 chapters. Thanks for reading._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note:**_

I really appreciate all of your reviews. You guys are great readers. I hope that you like this chapter. It's a little longer than the first two and looks like this fic is going to be a little longer than five chapters –and no, they're not all written yet. I'll try to post the next chapter by Wednesday or Thursday. Loving all the Castle fic that's popping up.

_**Chapter 3…..**_

"Ryan where the heck are…"

Right on cue, a grinning Esposito pops out from behind the curtain, "Looking good in that hospital gown Detective Beckett."

"Bite me Esposito." She now understands why hospitals don't allow patients to keep their guns.

Montgomery clears his throat, "Detective Beckett"

"Sir. I didn't…" Fumbling for words, Beckett frowns as Ryan and Esposito enjoy a laugh at her expense. All of a sudden, she's wishing Castle had been with her today instead of them.

"It's fine Beckett unlike your head. That's quite the goose egg." The swelling combined with his detective's very pale face does nothing to convince Montgomery that she's ready to go home. He didn't think it was possible but she actually looks much worse than she did 24 hours ago.

"It hardly even hurts Sir." Sitting up way too quickly, Beckett bites the inside of her cheek trying to ignore the sharp pain in her head. She doesn't even remember banging her head on the interrogation table when she fell but from the lump on her head it must've been a direct hit.

Esposito leans over to Ryan, "You sure that table's okay? Didn't think anything was harder than Beckett's head."

"You know Esposito, there's nothing wrong with my hearing." Beckett barely finishes her sentence before pain forces her head back onto the pillow.

"Unfortunately for us, it looks like you've lost your sense of humor detective."

Their laughing aggravates Beckett even more. It's been four hours since she passed out at the precinct. Even exhausted, she's confident she can still tackle Ryan and get a shot in at Esposito at the same time. Only problem is she's not sure she can do it with her right hand attached to an IV pole. Too bad they aren't standing on the other side of her bed. Out of options, she decides to just swallow what's left of her pride, "Sorry Captain. It's been a long night."

"You can say that again." Ryan takes a seat. Next time Beckett lands herself in the hospital, it's Esposito's turn.

"So where do we stand Beckett?" With his patience wearing thin, Montgomery's only willing to let this play out a little longer. It'll be better for everyone if he can convince her to stay instead of ordering her to.

Beckett knows the Captain's probably already made his decision. Never a quitter and always up for the challenge of changing his mind, she plays it cool and confident, "Ready to go. Just need my clothes."

Unfortunately for her, she's not the only one who's ready. Ryan clears his throat and ends up on the receiving end of a Beckett death glare. Her watery eyes make it a little less intimidating but Ryan still turns his chair so she is staring at his back. Impressed as he is that Beckett's managed to get herself together, he and Esposito are already on thin ice with the Captain. Anyway, it's for her own good.

Montgomery turns his attention to Ryan, "Detective Ryan if you have something to say, just say it."

"Dehydration," Ryan speaks quickly, nodding towards the IV pole, "she needs about twelve hours of that stuff. Apparently, working doubles and drowning yourself in coffee doesn't exactly count as proper rest and hydration." Satisfied, Ryan turns towards Beckett with a smug look on his face.

Montgomery is silent. Putting herself and her team at risk is not something he expects from his lead detective. A more aggressive suspect would've taken advantage of her passing out in that interrogation room. One day soon, they will be having a serious talk about how she will be managing her sick time in the future.

Her boss' silence starts to overwhelm Beckett so she tries again, "Sir, they don't even have a bed for me. I can rehydrate at home."

Hearing the exhaustion in Beckett's voice, Montgomery knows it's time to put an end to her delusions of going home tonight, "You'll probably be more comfortable in the emergency room anyway detective. This way it doesn't feel like you're actually staying. "

"What?" The pain in her head forgotten, Beckett pops up in the bed, immediately feeling hot and, for a moment, panic fills her mind making the room spin.

"Easy Beckett," Ryan reaches out to steady her worried she's going to fall out of bed.

"This is exactly why you're staying."

"But sir…." Her face drops as reality sets in. He was giving her the Castle tone. He used it whenever she complained about something the writer was doing or how she didn't want to work with him anymore.

"We're done. Is that clear Detective Beckett?" His words are harsh but necessary. Demons were a terrible thing. Most cops had them and Kate Beckett had more than her fair share. Sometimes you just have to face them head on.

"Yes sir," almost immediately she starts biting her nail. She wishes she was anywhere but here. Wishes Lanie was not at her family reunion. Wishes she hadn't come to work today. Wishes Castle was here instead of California.

"Good. Now get some rest. I'll speak with you tomorrow." Montgomery stops as he approaches the door, "And detective, I expect you to remember that you are representing the NYPD and behave as such." He leaves without waiting for a response shocked to see Rick Castle sitting in the hallway. "You've got to be kidding me?"

"How is she?" While he was waiting for Montgomery, Esposito and Ryan to come back out, Castle's regained his composure and refocused his energies on the mystery that is Kate Beckett.

"Tired. Cranky. Sorta like me right now." Looking at Castle, he knows he's in trouble sometime soon. The man's wrecked and he's not even dating her yet. At least he doesn't think they're dating.

"I'd like to go in and see her now." People freak out in hospitals because they're scared. All Castle needs to do is figure out what is scaring Beckett. Sure he could ask her tomorrow or Monday. Thing is she's not going to tell him then and he knows it. Tonight is his chance. Maybe the only one he'll get to find this particular answer.

The determined look in the writer's eye is not the least bit comforting to Montgomery, "Actually Castle, you had the right idea earlier. Go home. Call her tomorrow."

Castle's own disappointment shocks him but he's not discouraged enough to retreat, "About that. That definitely was not the right idea. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure it was absolutely the wrong thing to do."

Montgomery rubs his forehead wondering if Castle and Beckett are conspiring against him, "Look, Beckett needs her rest. If you go in there, that's the last thing she's going to get."

"Earlier you said it wouldn't matter. What changed your mind?"

Montgomery tries to find the words that will convince the man in front of him to go home, "Trust me when I tell you that there's nothing you can do here for her tonight."

" I find that hard to believe. You hardly ever see people in emergency rooms by themselves. You know why? Because they're scary and they make people anxious and when people are scared and anxious they shouldn't be alone." He may not know what Beckett's afraid of but he finds it unimaginable that the woman who spends so much of her time comforting victims is going to spend the night alone in the emergency room.

The man has a way with words. No wonder he's made a small fortune. "Beckett's good. Her demons only exist in her head. She knows that."

"I have no doubt Detective Be….did you say demons?" Castle squints, his curiosity renewed by the Captain's slip.

"That's all you're getting Castle. Now I think you owe me a drink."

"What? No, I really don't …" This certainly isn't how Castle thought this conversation was going to end and he's not very comfortable with the idea of leaving to go to a bar.

"Humor me or I'll make it an order?" The ability to make people do what he wants is one of Montgomery's favorite perks.

Unsure what to do, Castle looks back at Beckett's room and then to Montgomery. At least for the time being Esposito and Ryan were in there with her.

Montgomery isn't willing to take no for an answer, "She's fine. Let's go."

Still feeling uneasy, Castle reluctantly walks with Montgomery to the elevator.

_**Back in Beckett's room….**_

Beckett's sitting on the bed with her knees to her chest trying to will away the chills now invading her body. She hasn't said a word since the Captain left the room almost ten minutes ago.

Esposito looks at the pouting Beckett then Ryan who is shaking his head no, "Look, if you want us to stay."

"Can I have my cell phone back?" A hopefulness returns to her voice as she scoots herself back on the bed, stretching out her aching legs.

Esposito shakes his head, "No way. You already got us in enough trouble today."

"Then you can go." Esposito and Ryan aren't the people she wants to stay anyway. God knows what bets they have going tonight. The only people who'd ever stayed with her in the hospital overnight were Lanie and Will. Lanie was great. Will on the other hand, well, they'd both agreed that would never happen again.

"That's my cue," Ryan leaves smiling and waving, "take it easy Beckett." He barely escapes the pillow that flies towards his head.

Beckett tries to stifle a yawn and wonders if there's something besides fluids in her IV bag, "Don't you have a date or something Esposito?"

Typical Beckett. Instead of leaving, Esposito walks over and drops a stack of magazines on her bed, "Castle was here earlier."

"Really? I thought he was still in California." She tries to feign disinterest, suddenly very interested in one of the magazines in front of her.

Esposito grins seeing his boss perk up at the mere mention of Castle's name, "Got back this morning. He was pretty upset that you were here."

"Well there's something we have in common. So where is he?" As much as she doesn't want to admit it, a visit from Castle would be the best thing that's happened to her all day.

Esposito hates to be the one to cause the smile to disappear from Beckett's face, "I think he left when me and the Captain came in. Said he didn't want to bother you."

"Oh," she kept it short not trusting herself to keep hidden how much she'd actually missed him. It didn't make sense to her that Castle would come all the way down here and just leave. It's not like he's ever worried about bothering her before.

Just for a moment, Beckett lets her mask fall and Esposito can't miss the disappointment on her face. It makes him regret not encouraging Castle to come in with them. He didn't think it at the time, but maybe Castle was just what Beckett needed. She did always seem happier when he was around, even when he was aggravating her.

Beckett's eyes start to burn. Castle's rejection on top of the stress of being sick is pushing her beyond what her nerves can handle today. He had been gone 7 days. Not a phone call. Not a text. It was only a matter of time and she knew it. She wonders what her name is. Beckett silently scolds herself for being disappointed. It's not like she has the right to be.

"Earth to Beckett," Esposito pauses until he's sure he has her attention again, "If you want to see Castle, just call him already."

Beckett hesitates for a moment before holding out her hand, "Ok. Give me my phone and I'll call Castle."

If nothing else, Esposito is amused by her persistence, "You must've hit your head harder than I thought if you think I'm falling for that."

"You can't blame a girl for trying Esposito. Anyway, I'm not calling Castle. I'm sure he has more important things to do tonight."

The hurt in her voice and choice of words didn't slip by Esposito. His boss had it bad. She had definitely softened towards Castle and she liked working with him. He was good for her. She played it straight and Castle, while a good guy, was anything but straight-laced. They shared the same obsession of freaky murders and mystery. Beckett can deny it all she wants, but she is definitely happier since Castle came on the scene. "Call him, don't call him but do me a favor will ya?"

Beckett scoffs holding her arms out in front, "I'm not exactly in the position to be doing anyone favors."

"Instead of trying to be so tough, just try being a good patient. Take the meds and get a decent night's sleep for a change." Esposito's well aware his words are falling on deaf ears but he figures he needs to at least try. Left to her own devices for the night, he really isn't sure Beckett will stay out of trouble.

Beckett cocks her head, "If you don't leave now, that teacher is going to think you stood her up."

Esposito's face lights up, "You know, she knows this is worth the wait."

Beckett laughs, "Get out of here."

"I'll be back in the morning to pick you up." He wants to ask if she's alright, but doesn't bother because he knows her answer will be a lie. The last thing Detective Kate Beckett wants is for anybody to see her as weak.

"I can take a cab. Don't want you to miss that aerobics class." It's the weekend and she's already taken up enough of Esposito's time. They rarely get to enjoy their weekends without her needing him to be her chauffeur.

"It's pilates and don't knock it. You'd be surprised how flexible those chicks are. No class tomorrow."

"Esposito," she waits until he turns back towards her, "Thanks."

Esposito winks at her on his way out. She's probably conning him but seeing Beckett laugh makes him feel a little bit better about leaving. He's only doing it because he knows it's what she wants. Tomorrow she'll be back to being Beckett.

Watching Esposito leave, Kate frowns at the emptiness of the room. Just like that she's alone. ..again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

Sorry for not getting this chapter up sooner, the fic gods were not very kind to me this week. I got lost in the weeds of Chapter 4. Good news for you…your Castle/Beckett torture is over and Chapter 5 is almost done. Enjoy! Thanks again for your reviews. If you don't like this chapter, please let me know so I can use it to make the other chapters better. I appreciate all your feedback. Happy Reading!!

**Chapter 4….**

Kate Beckett is sulking and she doesn't care. In the past hour Beckett's flipped through all of the magazines left by Esposito. What she really wants is one of her Derek Storm books. For as long as she can remember, she's liked those best whenever she was sick. Unfortunately, the only thing she has to keep her company was her thoughts. On nights like this, they were their own special torture and she's positive she's been through enough torture for one day. At least she can't remember passing out at work. The boys, of course, aren't going to let her live it down anytime soon. The only good thing is that, knowing Esposito, he already made it so nobody else would bother her about it.

Kate closes her eyes as she slides her mom's ring back and forth across the gold chain. After all these years, that an object does so much to ease her worries still surprises her. Like so many times in her life, she wishes her mom was here but, somehow, the ring makes her feel closer to her. Whenever her mom used to hug her, she'd sway back and forth. It's a memory that always brings a smile to her face, especially when she remembers how, as a teenager, after every hug she would be sure to remind her mom that she was much too old for such things. Without fail, her mom would tell her how she'd miss those special hugs one day and Kate would just roll her eyes. She's never stopped missing them.

Peeking around the curtain, Castle is speechless. It's been much too long since he's laid eyes on the woman in front of him. Nervous, he watches as she rocks back and forth, eyes closed. It's not often he gets to observe her with her guard completely down. The moment would be perfect if not for the frown on her beautiful face. A frown he's determined to wipe away by whatever means necessary.

"Did someone order soup?"

"Castle?" Kate's shocked to see him standing in front of her holding a rather large shopping bag, "You were quiet. You're never quiet. How long have you been standing there?"

"Just long enough to run through my Beckett fantasy list. This, actually, is number five." He waits long enough for the predictable exasperation to play across Beckett's face, "Only in my version you're the nurse and I'm the patient. Ooh and you're wearing a really, really, really short skirt. Red garters and red stilettos. "

"Why does that not surprise me Castle?" Beckett crosses her arms, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she's glad to see him. His ego is already big enough.

Glancing around the very empty room, he's glad he came back because she'd either be horribly depressed or crazy by morning if she spent the whole night alone surrounded by these stark white walls, "You know me well Detective Beckett."

"Sometimes I wish I knew you a little less." What she really wants to know is how after flying across the country, Castle manages to look his usual handsome self without so much of a hair out of place. He's as charming and energetic as he is when he arrives at the precinct every morning.

"Oh admit it. You missed me." This is going much better than he expected. Beckett has yet to kick him out and the sparkle in her tired eyes tells him she is, indeed, happy to see him.

"I thought you were off chasing starlets in Hollywood." It hardly ever works but she hopes ignoring his question makes it go away.

"Ah, no need to be jealous. We both know you're my favorite prey."

"I'm not exactly a challenge tonight." They're the first honest words she's spoken. She might be glad that Castle came back but for self-preservation purposes she needs to keep him at arm's length. Only thing is, if he keeps smiling at her like that, her walls don't have a chance in hell of staying up.

"Don't you know? I've been waiting for that day since we met." As is always the case, his flirting is just a slight exaggeration of his actual feelings for Beckett. He's wanted her to stop putting up a fight and succumb to his charms since the day they met. Unfortunately, she won't budge.

"Go away Castle." The minute the words are out of her mouth she regrets them. What is wrong with her? She doesn't want to be by herself, yet, she goes and tells the one person she wants to be here to leave.

"Okay."

Leaving upon request is very unCastlelike. When did he become so easy to get rid of? He's standing at the foot of her bed, looking at her with those puppy dog eyes like he's waiting for her to stop him. It's not that she doesn't want to. He came all this way, she knows she should stop him. Still, she just watches Castle walk away.

"Ha! You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily did you?"

"A girl can dream." This time Beckett's smile undermines any attempts at hiding her true feelings, "What's in the bag anyway?"

"You'll see."

"As much as I appreciate your visit, I find it hard to believe there's nowhere you'd rather be on your first night back in town."

Satisfied that he's starting to wear her down, Castle moves over to take the chair next to her bed. "One day you're going to have to stop doubting my intentions."

Beckett meets his smugness with a raise of her eyebrows. She's not sure what to think really. He does usually have good intentions and the smile on his face makes her think he's happy to be here. What doesn't make sense is that he didn't come into her room when he was here earlier. She can't help but wonder what or who he left for earlier and why he bothered coming back. She wants to ask him except she isn't so sure she wants to know the answer.

"Here suits me just fine Beckett." The doubt in her eyes disappoints him but that's quickly replaced by sheer determination. He's here to take care of her whether she likes it or not. He leans towards her, "You know if this is what happens when I leave you for a few days, I may never leave again."

Maybe it's his proximity to her, but instead of lightening the mood, his words bring a little more tension to the room. Perhaps his words are a little too close to the truth…for both of them. Part of him really never wants to leave her again. A bigger part than he cares to admit. The part that wanted to come home on Tuesday instead of Friday. He never liked travelling much anyway unless he was with Alexis. Now it seems, he liked it even less since it kept him away from a certain New York City detective every day. Beckett's silence and the stunned look on her face tells him he's not the only one who didn't like him being away.

What Castle doesn't know is that Beckett likes the idea of him not leaving a little too much. So much so she can't bring herself to look him in the eye right now. She hadn't expected to miss him and at first she didn't. It wasn't until Wednesday that she spent more time thinking about him than her case. It had shocked her really. What she thought would be a welcome relief, just made the days drag on.

One day he's going to find out what she's thinking when she gets that look in her eye but for now he's got other things to take care of, "Are you cold?"

"No." She must've hit her head harder than she thought if she's lying about this. Truth is, despite her best efforts, she can't stop trembling. After the third blanket, she decided she wouldn't bother the nurses to ask for more.

He laughs at the lengths she'll go not to seem like she needs anything, "Really? Then why are you shivering?"

"Because it's freezing in here and hospitals have the world's thinnest blankets."

"In spite of what you think, today's your lucky day." Castle reaches into the bag behind him pulling out a blanket and gently spreading it across her, "Nothing like curling up with a good, warm blanket when you're sick."

"Um…." Kate knows this shouldn't be so hard for her. It's just, it's just she can't remember the last time she's let anyone take care of her. She's not quite sure why she's so comfortable letting Castle do it.

"The word you're looking for is 'thanks.' You know, you don't always have to pretend to be so tough Detective."

"Occupational hazard," she sinks back into the bed feeling warmer already.

Castle refuses to be the first to look away, "Well, we're going to have to work on that Detective."

His eyes are a storm of emotions. Understanding, concern, uncertainty, need, want, hope, and questions, so many questions. Sometimes she feels like his eyes weave their way around her like out of control ivy. She's afraid that one day he will become part of her. She wonders if maybe he already has.

"Did you really bring soup?"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Chapter 6 is almost finished. Just a couple more chapters until you find out why Beckett hates hospitals. Enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 5**

"Did you really bring soup?"

Beckett's question makes him giddy. On the surface, it seems simple enough but Castle knows it's anything but. Inch by stubborn inch he is gaining her trust.

"Chicken soup as a matter of fact. Now, before you pretend not to want any, I should tell you that it's from that little place around the corner from the precinct. I happen to know it's your favorite and you are unable to resist it. Sort of like me."

"Always so humble Castle." The huge smile on the writer's face makes it impossible for Beckett to hold back one of her own. It's not really a surprise. He's always makes her smile, even when he's irritating her. The only difference is that she usually has enough control not to give him the satisfaction of smiling back.

Beckett watches as he pulls a linen napkin out of his bag. He moves to take a seat next to her on the bed, gently placing the napkin across her lap. Then looks at her with eyes so intense, she struggles to steady her breathing. It's a look he's never given her before. A look so distracting, she doesn't realize until it's too late that his fingers are on her waist.

"Castle"

His heart starts to race at the breathlessness of her voice. He can't take his eyes away from hers. Not that he wants to. He could look at her for hours. He feels her breathing speed up as his hands brush against her sides. He tucks the blanket tighter around her body. It's the closest he's ever been to her, the most he's ever touched her. It's intoxicating. Slowly, he pulls the blanket up until it covers the paper thin gown, stopping only when he feels the pressure of her hand on his.

She's mesmerized. Not really sure why she's holding onto his hand. She searches her memory for the last time someone tucked her in, "I'm a little too old to be tucked in don't you think?"

"Not at all," His eyes linger a little longer on hers before shifting to the offensive mix of yellow and green on her forehead. Not wanting to upset her, he doesn't give in to the frown his lips try to show. He can't shake the feeling that if he had been there today, things would have been different. The woman next to him isn't one who needs rescuing, yet, more and more, he finds himself wanting to be the one to catch her should she fall. He wishes a simple kiss could make it all better for her. The somberness of his voice reflects the sadness in his heart that it could not, "Tell the truth. How bad does your head hurt?"

"No worse than it does after a day in the car with you Castle." Like her gun, sarcasm is there to protect her. Only, instead of protecting her from the bad guys, it's protecting her from the intensity of this thing between them. She lifts her hand from his and shifts uncomfortably in her bed. Looking away, she's determined to hide the emotions that she seems less and less able to control.

Castle's disappointed. For now, though, he's willing to follow her lead. He stands up and pushes the bedside table over to her, "You're always so grumpy when you don't eat Beckett."

"And yet, you still haven't given me my soup." Beckett begins to relax again, much more comfortable with Castle at this distance. Normally, she doesn't mind being close to him but tonight, in this room, under these conditions, it's making her feel naked.

Stifling a laugh, Castle marches over to the bag holding her prize. He opens the soup, blowing on it as carries it over to the table. "Just out of curiosity detective, when exactly was the last time you ate?"

As soon as he places it on the table, she wraps her hands around the container, her cold hands soaking up its warmth, "Um…"

"Keep in mind, toast doesn't count." Standing there, watching Beckett snuggled in a blanket holding onto her soup, he feels like he should be smoking a victory cigar.

Truth is, she can't remember the last time she ate anything besides toast. All she knows is that she drank coffee, lots and lots of coffee. "Tuesday I think."

When he came into the room, he thought she looked thinner but dismissed it as his imagination, "It's Friday. You take terrible care of yourself."

Beckett rolls her eyes, "Oh Castle, how have I survived this long without you?"

"I really have no idea. Lucky for you, you won't have to do it anymore." In an instant, Castle knows he's overplayed his hand. He holds his breath waiting, hoping his mistake doesn't erase the progress he's made tonight.

"You're not eating?"

"I'm good." And he is because she's pretending to let his slip of the tongue go unnoticed and she seems content with him being here, "Of course, I'm more than happy to feed you, if you're too tired to lift the spoon."

She coughs, choking on her soup, "I think I've got it Castle."

"Well, if you change your mind, all you have to do is ask." He takes a seat in the chair next to her and, for the first time, allows himself to really take in her appearance. Her eyes are glassy, her nose red, her skin pale and her eyes are missing that sparkle he loves so much. Worst of all, there is a red puffiness surrounding them that makes him wonder if she's been crying tonight. His heart hurts as he does his best not to react.

Beckett feels Castle studying her. He does it all of the time but today it's making her nervous. Suddenly, she's all too aware of just how disheveled she must look to him. After her shower this morning, she was so tired she threw her hair in a ponytail instead of blow drying it. She wonders how bad her makeup looks. The best she can hope for is that it's all worn off instead of smeared across her face. Biting the inside of her lip, she places a stray hair behind her ear.

"No need to worry. You're as beautiful as ever." Castle's spent enough time around women to know when one is feeling insecure about her appearance. Until now, the only time he'd seen Beckett that way was at the Nikki Heat launch party and when they were undercover. He watches her cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink.

Beckett stares into her soup, "Now who's the liar?"

"It's true. You always do." That the words rolled so effortless off his lips shocks them both. It's not as if he doesn't believe them. He does. It's no secret that he's thought she was beautiful since the night she crashed his party. What surprises him is that even on her worst day, he truly believes she is stunning.

She's staring at him now, not sure what to think. Is it Castle the writer talking to her, Castle the partner, Castle the playboy or the Castle she sees glimpses of but doesn't quite understand? She hopes it's the last one. He's the one that sneaks into her dreams at night, the one that comes out on the phone with his daughter, the one that offers her comfort when she doesn't want to admit that she needs it.

Looking at her, he sees she's biting her lip. It's barely noticeable, and, although she never does it at the poker table she can't seem to control this particular tell in real life. At least not with him anyway. "Finish your soup before it gets cold."

They fall into a comfortable silence as she eats. It's new for them. Usually, their silence happens for one of two reasons. She is doing paperwork and has yelled at him so many times for interrupting that he stops talking or because he would rather just observe her. Is this what life would be like if they were dating?

When she's done her soup, they fill each other in on what they've missed over the past week. In his very animated way, he tells her stories of people he met in LA and how he sat in meetings wishing he were at crime scenes. As always, he paints an elaborate picture. The only detail he omits is the number of times he picked up his phone to call her, each time losing his nerve.

She feels her spirits lifting with each story he tells her. Who needs Derek Storm books when you have the writer sitting next to you. She tries to keep up her end of the conversation but the long week is taking its toll. Still, she goes over her case with him in meticulous detail anxious to hear his theories no matter how ridiculous they may be. This week, the realization of how much she depended on him at work irritated her but here with him now she can barely remember the days she enjoyed her work without him.

As she talks, he listens for every detail that might let him know her better. He's made a good living getting people to tell him their stories and turning those stories into pages filled with plotlines and backstories. He's successful because he loves it. Their stories intrigue him. She may be his muse but he knows it is different with her. With her, she is what intrigues him not her stories.

In spite of her best efforts not to let him, he's impressed her tonight. It seems he's thought of everything. With a blanket, her favorite soup, a deck of cards and a few stories he's managed to put her at ease in a place where she feels anything but. Really, she is amazed that he is here at all. Surely Esposito, Ryan or the Captain had told him how much she hated hospitals, and, he likely overheard some of her heated conversations with Ryan, yet, he never once brought it up. Times like this she can't help but wonder if it's the real Rick Castle or if he's playing a character from one of his books.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

Thanks for the wonderful response to Chapter 5. Hope to have Chapter 7 up by Monday. Reviews, author alerts and story alerts make me ridiculously happy so thank you for all of those.

**Chapter 6**

Castle's intrigued as he watches Beckett talking to his daughter on the phone. Almost 15 minutes had passed since Alexis called. He barely had a chance to say hello before she was asking to speak to 'Kate' and they're still chatting away. When had Beckett and his daughter become so close that they are now on a first name basis?

With nothing else to do, Castle uses the opportunity to observe two of his favorite people. It's the first time really. Whenever the three of them are together, he's usually too busy defending himself to pay much attention to anything else. Of course, it's no secret that Beckett thinks Alexis is a good kid. She's told him plenty of times but he always thought she was being polite. Sitting here, though, he sees he's been mistaken. Beckett's completely comfortable on the phone and not the least bit bothered that he's blatantly staring at her while she does it. In fact, right now, his muse is more relaxed than she's been the entire evening.

From Beckett's half of the conversation, Castle can tell Alexis is flying through the details of her day. It only takes a few minutes for him to realize she's giving her new friend quite a different version than she usually gives him. It's a version told in girl speak and Beckett's listening as if it's the most compelling story she's ever heard. It's almost surreal. Tough as nails Detective Kate Beckett is sitting cross-legged on a hospital bed, tired as hell, IV sticking out of her hand, not a stitch of makeup on to hide her puffy eyes, and hair in a messy ponytail, giggling while talking to his daughter about her day. It's one of the sexiest things he's ever seen.

"Goodnight Alexis." Beckett passes the phone to Castle like it's the most natural thing in the world.

"What?" She doesn't understand the look he's giving her. It's as if she's caught him doing something he shouldn't be, only she has no idea what it is.

"Nothing," Castle grabs the phone and walks over to the window, "Oh, so you do remember it was your father you were calling." Much to Castle's delight Beckett shakes her head and rolls his eyes. From his spot at the window, Castle has the perfect view to watch Beckett without her knowing.

Until Alexis' call, Kate hadn't even realized it was late enough for bed. She glances at her watch. 11:00. Almost time for Castle to leave. The bedside table is covered with the remnants of their poker game. Popping a gummi bear in her mouth, she peeks at Castle's cards. At least he won't have a chance to claim victory for a fourth straight time. When he's gloating on Monday, she'll have to remember to blame her losses on her fever.

Finally. She had managed to resist those gummi bears much longer than Castle predicted, "You two certainly had a lot to talk about. Should I be worried you and…Kate are plotting against me when I'm not around."

Kate stretches her legs, not really paying attention to Castle's conversation. In spite of her earlier protests, she is thankful he stayed. He is quite the nice distraction, and, being back in his company makes her feel happier than it probably should. Unfortunately, the thought of him leaving soon makes her just as sad.

"Yes, Detective Beckett is pretty great." He watches Beckett, waiting for a reaction that never comes. Ah, how quickly things change. No smile, only the faraway look in her eye as she runs her mom's ring up and down its chain.

Kate's mind is starting to race with thoughts of the long night ahead. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Castle watching her reflection in the window. She'll never understand what he finds so interesting about her. Quickly, she picks up a magazine and starts flipping through pages.

"How's your studying going?" He listens to Alexis while keeping a watchful eye on an increasingly anxious Beckett. She must be delirious if she actually thinks he's going to believe she's okay because she pretends to be interested in a magazine.

Beckett closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. This is ridiculous. She does not need Rick Castle here. She's done plenty of things alone without freaking out. She finished college, graduated from the police academy, took care of her dad. For god's sake, the first time she was shot she was by herself. She couldn't find her dad until two days after she was discharged. Facing things alone is nothing new for her.

Castle spins around and walks over towards Beckett, "Yes I'm behaving myself."

His words pull Beckett out of her head and back into the moment. The image of Alexis as the parent and Castle as the teenager always makes her laugh. Their dynamic is so sweet. So very Castle. There's no denying that, despite his flaws, the man is raising a well-adjusted, smart young woman.

"Good night, love you too." Castle wanders back over to the bed, "You know, she thinks you're awesome."

"Yeah." She curses herself. What an idiot? He's kept her company all night and now she sounds like she could care less about his daughter.

Seeing Beckett's half-hearted smile along with her answer sparks even more concern in Castle. It seems, in a matter of minutes, Beckett's flipped a switch on her emotions, "You okay?"

"I'm sorry."

That they spoke at the same time breaks the tension that threatens to take over the room. Now nervous laughter replaces it. Castle's almost certain he saw the smallest, most genuine smile that's ever graced Beckett's lips. It gives him hope.

She looks up for a second before thinking better of it. She hates that stare. The one that says he wants to know what she's afraid to say. The one that makes her want to tell him. Focusing on the magazine in her lap, she makes one last attempt to compose herself so that she can tell Castle goodbye.

Finally, she meets his eyes, "Yeah. It's just..." hearing the tentativeness in her own voice, she pauses until she's sure her walls are firmly in place, "it's getting late. You really should be getting home to Alexis. She misses you."

Castle fights his instinct to scream at her that that's the lamest attempt at a goodbye he's ever heard. She's back to biting her lip but harder this time. It's one of the things Beckett does when she has something to say but isn't sure if it's worth the risk. Even knowing so many things about her, he hasn't managed to figure out how to get her to just let go and say it.

"It is."

She closes the magazine and tries again to smile, "You've had a pretty long day. You must be tired."

"Maybe a little." Beckett's nervous about staying at the hospital but that's not why she's sad. Suddenly it hits him. She missed him and she's sad now that she thinks it's time for him to leave again. He can barely contain his excitement, "You know, actually, I think it is time for bed."

Beckett scoots further back on the bed not trusting herself to make anymore eye contact with him, "Well, thanks for the soup. Goodnight."

Castle reaches over to turn off the light above Beckett's bed before taking the magazine from her lap, "I'm going to need you to move over Detective."

"What?" A very confused Beckett props herself up on her elbows as Castle takes off his jacket. She was expecting goodnight or whatever it is that writers say when they leave someone at a hospital, not this.

He leans into her until he's only a few inches away from her face, his voice low and insistent, "Slide over. You're much too small of a woman to be a bed hog."

"Bed hog? No way!" If Castle thinks he's doing what she thinks he's doing, Kate's not the only person who's going to be needing their own hospital bed tonight.

Just as he expected, Beckett's absolutely indignant. Even more encouraged, Castle continues to close the space between them until they are practically nose to nose, "Move or I will move you."

His voice is much deeper than usual and her anger is battling her butterflies for control, "If you try, I swear I'll…"

Before she can finish her threat, his arms are under her legs and back. He lifts her slightly above the bed then gently drops her a few inches to her right. Given her height, she's much lighter than he would've thought.

The shock of his hands against her bare skin delays her reaction but only by a few seconds, "Castle!"

"I warned you." His smile is now beyond his control. The more flustered she gets, the happier he is. Since they met, getting her all worked up has become one of his favorite pastimes. Before Beckett has a chance to reclaim her original spot on the bed, he hops in next to her.

"Have you lost your mind?" She's used to Castle pushing her buttons. She just can't believe he's doing it now.

"Hey, if I'm going to stay the night, I might as well get comfortable. Everybody knows sleeping in hospital chairs is terrible for your back." Given his position, he's actually not so convinced that this bed is that much more comfortable than the chair. The bed's definitely smaller than he expected and even laying on his side his body touches hers. That, of course, is well worth any discomfort he might feel. Being this close to Beckett is definitely something he could get used to.

"Stay the night?" She doesn't care that she's yelling. Beckett's finding it harder and harder to control her emotions with him in bed beside her. She turns on her side in a desperate attempt to put more distance between their bodies.

"Shhhh," Castle watches her eyes cross as she looks down at his finger pressing against her lips and nose, "you're waking up all the sick people."

She really thought he could take a hint better than this. Looking down at his finger, she weighs her options. The butterflies in her stomach make it hard but she's becoming angrier and angrier at him for not leaving. Frustrated and flustered, she slaps his finger away harder than she needs to, "Castle, get out of this bed right now."

He's not naïve enough to think if she really wanted him out she couldn't muster enough energy to push him out. What he is, is confident that she won't. This is what they do. He loves it, she pretends to hate it. At least he hopes she's pretending because if she's not that would take all the fun out of it. Fiery Kate Beckett never fails to amuse him.

"Fine. I'll let the nurses kick you out." Trying to ignore how close Castle's body is to her own, Beckett's at least satisfied she's found a way to get rid of him. She feels around the bed searching for the call button.

"Looking for this?" Castle smirks waving the call button in front of her before dropping it on the floor behind him.

Now Beckett has no idea what to do. He really is like a child. A stubborn child determined to do what he wants. Yes, part of her had wished he was staying but that was when she didn't think there was a chance of hell of it actually happening. Rick Castle in her bed all night is not something she's prepared for.

"Your plan was flawed anyway detective. I've bribed the staff with enough pizza, donuts and coffee they're probably already in a food coma. In fact, they should be getting another delivery in about an hour or so." He'd interviewed plenty of emergency room doctors and nurses to know that a little food goes a long way, "Oh and, don't forget, they like me better than you."

"Ugh, you're incorrigible." Beckett's head drops against the pillow as she shifts her strategy, "You really shouldn't be so mean to me when I'm sick."

Castle knows exactly what she's doing and no amount of pouting is going to get rid of him, "I'm mean? You're the one yelling."

"Well, don't think you're going to get any sympathy from me if you get the flu." All Beckett has left in her bag of tricks are empty threats. She hates to lose and it seems Castle is more determined than usual and that's saying a lot. She's still shocked they're laying in the same bed.

"Don't plan on catching it unless you decide you want to make out. Then all bets are off."

"My fever's not that high Castle."

"You really should try more new things. You might just like them. Anyway, isn't that why I pay all that money for health insurance?" Sick or not she looks absolutely adorable laying there, pouting. He takes that she's still looking at him as a good sign.

She doesn't know if it's the fever or her proximity to him. All she knows is her resolve to get this man out of her bed is melting faster than a snowman in July, "Castle, why can't you ever just listen?"

Positive she's close to surrendering, Castle does his best to silently reassure her that it's okay. Those beautiful green eyes may have lost their shine but they are as strong as ever. They are the same eyes that stare down suspects, colleagues. The same eyes that manage to keep him in the car, silence him, reprimand him, and put him in his place. Today, though, he's prepared to wait those eyes out. Whether she wants to admit it or not, there's just too much at stake.

"Because I don't think you really want to be alone detective. I don't think you want me to leave. As a matter of fact, I think you're a little relieved that I'm here."

In an instant, her mind takes her back to the day she warned him not to think he knew her. That moment scared her. A man she'd just met already knew more about her than she'd wanted most people to. She remembers how it stung when he told her that she was broken. If he stays, he'll find out just how broken she really is. She's not ready for that.

"How can you be so sure of yourself Castle?"

"That's simple. Lanie assured me you would be." Castle didn't think it was possible but Beckett's face got even paler. Without a word she turns away from him and his heart sank.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**

You guys are the best! I really love the idea of this story and your enthusiasm makes writing it that much better. Thanks! Happy Castle Monday!

**Chapter 7**

"Beckett, don't be..."

"Shut up Castle."

The bitterness behind those three words makes him cringe. He's heard that tone before. Once. He swore to never do anything to hear it again. She really is mad, furious even as she crosses her arms even tighter against her chest. Really mad Kate Beckett scares him. That's the one that didn't talk to him for weeks.

Beckett's seething as she stares at the wall. Laying on her back, she's trapped between the bed rail to her right, Castle to her left and the four blankets on top of her. Her only chance of escape is to scoot forward off the bed. That's not a likely option since it's guaranteed to give Castle a perfect view of her backside.

The silence along with his inability to see Beckett's face is killing Castle. What he can see, her clenched jaw, only adds to his growing anxiety. Lanie warned him she would be mad and that there would be yelling, lots of yelling. Instead she's silent. Silent and angry is never a good combination especially when it involves a woman as stubborn as Beckett.

Kate just wants to hit him. As exposed as she's feeling, she might as well be laying there naked. Some things are private. Maybe Castle doesn't know that, but Lanie certainly does. If she wants to tell Castle something that's her choice, it's not for anyone else to share with him. Truth is, she probably was going to tell him. At least some of it but now it's too late. He already knows and she hates that. Now she's left with choosing between kicking him to prove a meaningless point or letting him stay so he can burrow himself even further into her life. Right now, dealing with the consequences of either makes her nauseous.

With each passing moment, Castle's convinced Beckett's assembling an ironclad case against him which she will lay out in her own very devastating way before trying to get rid of him for the night. If not for Lanie's blessing, he's certain this would end in disaster. Instead, he dismisses that doomsday scenario, holding onto his belief that he hasn't messed up his only chance to get through to her. Of course, that's only if she doesn't kill him first.

Beckett can't decide who she's angrier at. Herself or Castle. She's such a fool sometimes. Why did she think Castle came to the hospital after being away from his family for an entire week? That he was being so sweet and concerned because he was a nice guy. It all makes sense now. He couldn't pass up an opportunity to peel back another layer in the name of Nikki Heat. He talked to Lanie. That's why he was being so bold. She can't believe she bought all of it. This is life not the make believe of his books. She's told Castle enough times, she shouldn't forget it so easily. Castle played her and if there's one thing Kate Beckett hates it's being played.

"Flip over Castle." Her voice is steady, hiding the battle raging within her. If she can't make her way off this bed, she can at least get away from Castle's watchful eye. Even with her head turned, she feels like she's suffocating under it.

Castle has no desire to move. He's exactly where he wants to be. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Lucky for me, right now I could care less what you think." It's self-preservation. She's too tired and overwhelmed to risk looking him in the eye. They need to talk about what Lanie told him and this is the only way she's sure she'll get through that conversation.

"I have no doubt that's true but this is a little childish even by my standards." In spite of his protests, Castle dares not disobey her. He maneuvers himself on the bed so his back is to her, reminding himself that Beckett trusts him. If she didn't, he'd already be out of this room.

Any other time, Castle lecturing her on maturity would amuse her. Not today. Today, making him turn around gives her back at least some control over this situation. That's exactly what she needs right now. She wonders if he's changed his mind yet about staying, "You can always go home Castle."

"No," his answer, full of conviction, comes without any hesitation. Daring a Castle. She really is desperate. No way is he getting up and leaving. She's scary, but she's not that scary. He will gladly sacrifice the upper hand because it's worth it. She's worth it.

Beckett sighs as she curls up on her side, fingers clutching the ring against her chest. With his back to her, she realizes Castle's at her mercy. She dismisses the very appealing thought of giving him a hard shove. Who knows? Maybe he'd break something when he fell. It would serve him right.

Silence, especially silence as awkward as this, is beyond uncomfortable for Castle. He can practically feel Beckett plotting behind his back. Literally. Surprisingly, the wheels of his mind aren't conjuring up those scenarios. They're too busy going over how the two of them spent the past few hours. He wishes they could have that back. It was nice. One of the best Friday nights he's spent with a woman not his daughter or his mother in longer than he cares to admit.

Beckett makes her living figuring people out, yet she cannot seem to do that with Rick Castle. With each passing day, he confuses her more and more turning things that were once black and white into a very murky shade of gray. She's mad at herself that she doesn't understand why she can't make him leave. Why she would rather reach over and hug him even though she's still mad. Lately, she finds herself not sure of a lot of things about Castle and that frustrates her, "So Lanie called you?"

"Actually, I called her. Every guy knows you want to know what's up with a woman, you call her best friend for information."

"What!?" No wonder she's confused. If he really is using her misery to troll for more Nikki Heat material, she might have to reconsider shoving him onto the floor.

Castle panics, "Wait! Wait! I mean, I don't mean information like research I mean information like…"

"You're on thin ice Castle. You might want to choose your words a little more carefully." She'll let him tell her his side but she won't make it easy for him. Right now, it's easier to be angry at him than to be hurt by him. She can do angry. Angry puts her heart in a safer place.

"Noted." He takes a deep breath before speaking again, "When I was here earlier I heard how upset you were and I wanted to help. Montgomery and Esposito told me to drop it and go home but I didn't want to listen. I couldn't go home knowing that you were here alone. That's when I decided to call Lanie and, even though you're angry at me for doing so you should know I'm not sorry."

Despite his admission and intentions, she's becoming less and less angry, "What did she say?"

Hearing the fear in her voice makes Castle want to take her in his arms until she believes she has nothing to be afraid of, "She just told me you'd feel better if you had company for the night." Convincing Lanie to confide in him had been much easier than he expected. In fact, he hadn't had to do any convincing at all. That immediately worried him and gave him all the encouragement he needed.

"Don't patronize me Castle. What else did Lanie tell you?" Beckett doesn't like that he knows things without her permission. She likes even less that he's lying about it.

Suddenly he feels like a suspect in Beckett's interrogation room. Her skills in there never failed to impress him. From the moment she shuts the door, she has total command of the room, making suspects regret mistaking her size and gender for weakness. Castle resists the urge to turn around to tell her he's not like them. That he could never think she's weak. He stays where he is, determined to show her that he can respect her wishes and answers her question, "That you have nightmares when you stay at the hospital."

"Dreams. They're just dreams Castle." Her words are louder than she intends. She hates the word nightmare. It gives her dreams more power and they had too much already.

Castle's eyes are wide realizing his mistake, "Right, dreams. These particular dreams that you have are intense. They scare and upset you very much. You've had different ones before and could always figure out a way to step out of them but not these. These seem to be beyond your control."

He pauses giving her a chance to speak, giving himself a chance to choose the proper words. For a writer, finding the words should be easy. Not true tonight. He writes for pleasure and he takes no pleasure in saying words that are so hard for her to hear.

"Sometimes these dreams make you so upset that you have a panic attack. That's usually been when you are here alone. You prefer not to take any medication to help you sleep or narcotics for your pain because that has made the dreams more vivid in the past. You don't want to risk that happening again so you just take your chances, hoping you'll be able to stay awake long enough to keep them at bay."

As tears fill Beckett's eyes, she doesn't bothering wiping away the few that fall. She is speechless as she tries to digest what Castle's told her without being crushed by the weight of her own embarrassment. Her anger is practically gone. Diffused by the concern so clear in Castle's voice, and, reality of how much trust her friend put in him tonight. The one time Will stayed, Lanie was completely against it and she turned out to be right. Tonight, Lanie trusted Castle without even asking her first. And Castle. He went out of his way to call Lanie for the sole purpose of finding out how to help her. She's given him a hard time every chance she could tonight yet he still wants to stay.

Castle continues, if only in the hopes that finishing his story would let him see her face that much quicker, "Lanie was concerned that you'd be alone tonight. I offered to stay and she thought that was a good idea." That was the only part of their conversation that is not true. Lanie actually asked him to stay before he could suggest it. That was the moment he knew nothing would succeed in sending him home. He figures, no matter how this night turns out, his white lie is at least going to save Lanie from a little bit of trouble with Beckett. "Truth is I wanted to stay anyway. People shouldn't be alone in places like this."

Biting her lip, she tries to brace herself against the wave of emotions hitting her. Her damp pillow is evidence that she's fighting a losing battle. Thankful that Castle can't see her, she needs to make sure she knows everything, "What else, Castle."

"That's it. I swear." Beckett's tone makes it clear that there's something specific she's asking for. At first, he's not sure what she's looking for. Then it hits him, "Wait. You think…"

That's it. He's indulged her long enough. When she hears the rest of what he has to say, he needs her to be looking at him. Without warning, he turns over to face her. He frowns as she backs slightly away from him. "Lanie never said what the dreams were about. I didn't ask. I don't care what they're about. I only care that you let me try to make this night a little easier for you."

That he didn't ask shocked her. His admission quieting that last nagging thought saying she'd be better off if he left. These moments when he let her see how much he really cared are hard for her. It challenges the one belief that protects her from him. The belief that he is not capable of truly caring for her.

"I swear Kate." He hopes that his voice is stronger than usual helps make his point. For the first in a very long time knowing the story didn't really matter. That's the truth and he needs her to believe it.

She smiles reluctantly when he says her first name. Paired with the sincerity in his eyes, it melts what's left of her Castle defenses, "So Lanie asked you to stay here with me and you decided that meant commandeering my hospital bed."

Castle smiles, happy to see even a glimpse of his detective and proud to take credit for hijacking her bed, "Of course! That was all me. I knew you'd like it."

Looking at Castle, so many thoughts swirl around her head. Kate wants to say something to explain what he's getting himself into. Trying to come up with any words that don't succeed in making her feel ridiculous appears to be useless. Still she feels like she has to try. She's looking away from him before her words are out of her mouth, "Look Castle, I know they're just dreams. I'm being stupid."

Beckett beating herself up like this is something he's never been able to stand seeing. He's glad it's rare because she doesn't deserve it. Castle reaches his hand out to her chin, rubbing his finger underneath it a few times before gently lifting it up so her eyes are forced to meet his, "You're many things. Beautiful. Stubborn. Smart. Extraordinary. Stupid is definitely not one of them."


	8. Chapter 8

That's twice Castle's touched her face tonight. He doesn't usually do that. He touches her arm, her hand, her shoulder, her back but never does he touch her face. "You really do have an answer for everything don't you?"

"Not everything." If he did, he would know a way to get her out of the hospital. He would know how to save her from the burden of nightmares that won't go away. There isn't much he wouldn't do to make Beckett happy. The sick feeling in his stomach as he watches her eyes wet with tears is proof of that. Releasing her chin, his eyes do not stray from hers as she returns her head to the pillow.

She doesn't know what to do with him when he looks at her like that, so she starts to talk, "There's something I don't get Castle. I haven't talked to you in a week but here you are."

He looks at her, curiously, trying to decipher the true meaning behind her words. He's built his reputation playing women and it excites him that she is more than capable of playing him too.

Beckett can't think of a better way to change the subject and try to stay awake than to torture Castle. If he wants to be her knight in shining armor, she should at least be able to find out why he hadn't called her from LA. She raises her eyebrow hurrying him along.

"While I was in LA?" It's impossible for him not to notice the gleam in her eye. She may be his muse, but she's made it clear how much she enjoys keeping him off balance. It's one of the things he loves about her.

Beckett nods. For all of his insights about her, Castle can be awfully clueless at times.

"I tried to call." Impossibly, that answer sounds even more ridiculous coming out of his mouth than it did in his head. He really had tried, only, actually completing a call or text proved to be a much more difficult task from 3,000 miles away. His ego may be considerable but for one week, it was no match for the voice in his head telling him that Beckett would not welcome a call from him.

She scrunches up her face in disbelief, "Yeah, I've heard it's practically impossible these days to reach someone from somewhere as far as California. Turns out all that technology is completely useless."

He hates it when he can't read her face, "Are you mad?"

"No. More like curious. You talked to Esposito. Texted Ryan. You even talked to the Captain. Just wondering why it's so important to you to stay now." She doesn't have it in her to come right out and ask why. This is as close as she'll get and she has no doubt he gets her point.

Finally, the light bulb goes off in his head. His brain, so quick most times, could be shockingly slow when it comes to Beckett and her feelings. Too often, he forgets that there is more to her than the strong, independent woman. She is a girl. A girl whose feelings get hurt when he does stupid things like not call for a week. He didn't think Esposito and Ryan would've been able to resist telling her that his calls and texts to them were full of questions about her, "I'm here because this is the only place I want to be. You know, you could have called me."

"That's not the point." Beckett doesn't blink an eye. She has no intention of letting him off the hook.

"Next time I'll call." It's not what he wants to say. What he wants to say is that he missed her more than he ever thought he would. That he wishes they could be something more.

"Okay," she's just barely biting the middle of her lip as she answers.

Castle smiles wondering if she has any idea what that little habit of hers does to him, "Or you could come with me next time"

"You just can't help yourself can you?"

No reaction passes over her face but the glimmer in her eye tells him all he needs to know, "Why would I ever want to. The alternative is so much more fun."

In an instant, Beckett's smile is back. Mission accomplished.

She's glad he's still here but can't resist checking one last time, "Castle, are you sure you shouldn't be going home? It just doesn't seem right that…"

"Are you kidding me? Even if I did want to go home, which I don't, Alexis and Mother would have my head for leaving you here by yourself. "

Kate has no trouble imagining that scenario. Alexis and Martha would definitely yell at him, and, most likely make him come back to the hospital. She can just picture Castle squirming. There's not much he hates more than being in trouble with those two. Those Castles are a formidable bunch. She would be foolish to turn any of them away. At least that's what Lanie would tell her.

"Look Castle, if you're gonna stay..."

"I thought we settled this. I'm definitely staying." He shimmies a little closer to her on the bed very happy to have recaptured some of the levity of earlier.

Beckett's willing to take this risk with him but it's still Castle here with her and she knows how dangerous that can be, "There are ground rules."

"I agree."

Beckett is dumbfounded watching Castle beside her, completely confident and comfortable like she just told him that the sky was blue, "You don't even know what they are."

"Doesn't matter. I'll agree to whatever you want." She could tell him that he has to sleep under the bed, stay in the bathroom, sing to her and he wouldn't care. "Just for the record, though, what exactly did I just agree to?"

"First of all, we are not playing doctor."

"O c'mon, where's your sense of adventure? I'm very good at it." He doesn't want to push his luck but he wouldn't be Rick Castle if he doesn't just a little.

Ignoring him, Beckett averts her eyes long enough to remind herself that Lanie would never have sent Castle if she wasn't sure Kate could handle it. She swallows before bringing her eyes back to his, "You don't get to mention this ever again. Not to me. Not to anyone. Ever."

If Castle needed any more proof how difficult this is for Beckett, those words and the tone they were spoken is it. Jokes and smiles don't change the reality that she can only let him be here with her if they pretend it didn't happen, "I can live with those."

"Okay." She hopes Lanie's instincts are right.

"And I promise to still respect you in the morning."

She rolls her eyes, part of her thankful that he's being his usual self. Another part of her can't resist wondering if he really will.

Castle looks at his watch, "Almost midnight. You really should get some rest so you can impress the doctors and get out of here tomorrow."

"But…"

He stays calm in spite of the slight panic he hears in her voice, "No buts. You can barely keep your eyes open. More importantly, Dr. Parrish gave me strict orders not to talk to you all night. Lights out."

"They already are out Castle." The room is dim yet light enough that each of their faces can be clearly seen by the other.

"Right you are. That just leaves goodnight then."

"I thought writers didn't use goodnight." Beckett's shamelessly stalling. That she agreed to let Castle stay doesn't mean she dreads falling asleep any less.

"Well, I figure in this room, we can just be Rick and Kate. So just this once it'll be okay."

"If you say so." The smallest of smiles graces her lips knowing that he isn't only referring to his choice of words.

"Goodnight Kate." Her smile tells him she understands. Castle doesn't need to ask to know that she's let very few people ever get this close. He hopes one day she realizes how grateful he is to be one of them.

Inches apart, the pair lay silent. Each time their eyes lock, she's the first to look away. He smiles at that small reminder of the sweet shyness that she's hidden somewhere within her. With Kate beside him, he has the luxury of studying her face for as long as he wants. He watches as she wages a stubborn battle to stay awake. Her eyes close for seconds, maybe minutes before she startles awake. Her willpower never ceases to amaze him. His willpower, on the other hand, is much sketchier as too much of his time is spent imagining what lies beneath her flimsy hospital gown.

"Are you going to stare at me all night cause it's a little creepy?" She appreciates that Castle is next to her. She appreciates even more that he's not asking her questions about her dreams. It goes against his very inquisitive nature and she knows he's doing it to help put her at ease. That she may never have the courage to tell him how much that means to her, doesn't change how much it does.

Castle is trying to be on his best behavior. He's more than happy to talk to her all night, keep her awake so the nightmares don't come. Unfortunately, he's pretty sure staying up all night will not improve her chances of being discharged in the morning. She needs to sleep even if it's a restless sleep. "It's no secret how much I enjoy looking at you. If you would go to sleep, you wouldn't even notice."

"That wouldn't make it any less creepy." She doesn't trust herself to sleep. Still too nervous thinking of how Castle will look at her differently when she wakes up.

Castle looks down at the ring in her hand, "May I?"

She nods her approval and hands him what is her most treasured possession. He had been admiring the ring from afar all night. At first, it took him by surprise that it wasn't hidden away like usual. A few hours later it makes sense. It's her security blanket. Kate is much more sentimental than she lets on.

She watches him as he squints in the dimness to read the inscription, "Always."

He looks up at her. She's using her arm as a pillow, lips slightly apart. Her voice is barely a whisper as if she's remembering something as she recites the bittersweet promise, "It says always."

Pretending not to notice the single tear that runs down her face, he reaches over to her, fingers barely brushing her chest as he pulls the collar of her gown away from her skin. For a reason he can't explain, Castle's holding his breath as he gently lets the ring slip inside her gown. She looks stunned and he hopes she understands. Tonight, she can count on him to share her burden.

"What do you say we make a deal?"

Her pulse is racing and she feels dizzy. She doesn't know what to think of this man and the things he does, "What kind of deal Castle?"

"Uh uh"

She closes her eyes, wetting the tip of her lip before opening them again, "Rick."

"Much better. Now, you try to sleep and I'll try to forget you're practically naked under that very, very thin hospital gown." He is only half kidding. Thank goodness for blankets.

"That's a terrible deal."

"Perhaps but admit it. You're exhausted."

"Well, you do have that effect on me."

They could go back and forth like this all night. Unfortunately, that's not why he's here. He's here to make sure she sleeps so he does the simplest of things. Reaches over to where her hand rests between them and slips his fingers through hers.

"Kate"

Shocked, her eyes are immediately drawn to the sight of her hand in his.

"Look at me," he waits for her to do as he asks, "You think that I can't handle whatever's going to happen tonight. That it will somehow make me think less of you. That's not going to happen. You trust me. I wouldn't be here if you didn't. I just need you to trust me a little more and close your eyes."

She doesn't say a word choosing to let her eyes, full of what ifs, plead her case. She wants to believe in him, to trust him. So much of her already does.

He answers her with a reassuring squeeze of her hand, "I'll be right here. Go on, close them."

And she does. Much as she wants to, she's unable to deny the simple fact that he's one of the few people in her life who puts her at ease. It's not long before she feels herself drifting to sleep to the sound of his breathing and the feel of his thumb gently rubbing her hand.

**A/N**

_Thanks for taking the time to keep up with this story. I'm not going to be able to get the next chapter posted for a week or so but the next couple of chapters will focus on Beckett's nightmares. Happy Thanksgiving to those who are celebrating this week._


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

So two weeks later, here's the next chapter. I apologize for publishing it late but this chapter was much harder to write than I thought. I'm still not sure what I think of it really. I do, though, know what I think of the reviews and alerts from Chapter 8…they were wonderful! So thank you for those. As you read this chapter, the paragraphs in italics are Beckett's dreams. I hope you find this chapter was worth the wait…

**Chapter 9 **

Watching Beckett sleep, Castle's own fears of what the night will bring seem to be growing. That she's asleep at all is a relief yet it's done little to quiet the nagging voice inside his head. The voice that swears it's only a matter of time before Beckett opens her eyes and demand he go. As the minutes pass, he tries to focus on the hand that remains tucked in his and the relaxed face inches away from his own. Doing so helps to make the voice start to fade. Castle knows pushing people away is her first instinct. Sometimes he sees her fighting against it, other times surrendering to it. It's always there, protecting Beckett or so she believes. Until today, there were few scenarios he would dare to even imagine in which she needed him for something personal. Castle considers her acceptance of his help tonight as a victory in the hard-fought battle for Kate's trust. It's a win that leaves him hopeful she just might allow herself to let it happen again.

Whether or not Kate Beckett will be able to admit that she needs him in her life, Castle can no longer deny that he needs her in his. How close he came to losing her and the reality of how it felt makes that impossible now. From the beginning, shadowing Beckett was to be a temporary diversion. It shocked him that when the time came, letting go proved infinitely harder than he ever anticipated when he began this game. When she declared their partnership finished, he did everything in his power to make sure that didn't happen. Even when he was ready to trade Nikki Heat for spy novels, walking away from her was never part of the plan. It seems somewhere between weaseling his way into Detective Beckett's life and publishing Heat Wave, he developed a very real need to have Kate in his life. It is a need he barely understands except to know it goes far beyond infatuation or literary inspiration. It is the one thing he never expected and that worries him.

_Lavender. Kate smells it before her eyes even open. Taking a deep breath she lets her mind wander back to the days when lavender was her favorite wake up call. As she opens her eyes, the stark white walls remind her that instead of being home, she's in a hospital. Disappointed, she's at least relieved to be free of her earlier panic. In its place is a calmness she rarely experiences. Remembering she's not alone, she turns around._

"_It's about time you woke up. I've been waiting." _

_Sitting up, Kate blinks the sleep out of her eyes. She's stared at the pictures a million times. Spent countless hours scanning the face, the body for just one more thing that she can say looks like her. As the years passed, such similarities have become nearly impossible to find. Still she keeps searching, staring at them even closer. Each time stung by the reality that no matter how close she holds onto those pictures, the woman in them always seems to be moving further and further away. Now here she is. So close she could whisper. So real she could touch her. So much better than a picture, "Mom" _

As Beckett calls out for her mom, Castle notices something very different in her voice. He's heard her say the word often, each time it's surrounded by sadness. Leaving her lips tonight, the word is spoken with love, wonder even. The sound of it makes him smile, easing some of his concern that all of her memories of her mom are marred by sadness.

Castle can't imagine what losing her mother must have been like for Beckett. To put her life back together once had to painful enough yet she had to do it twice. The second time made harder because she was turning her back on the hunt for her mother's killer and trying to keep her father from killing himself with alcohol. Castle would never dare pity her but his heart breaks at the thought of what Beckett went through during that period of her life. He knows what it's like to grow up without ever knowing a parent. As a child it was difficult, and, he was envious of the kids with dads. For years, he would create intricate stories explaining away his dad's absence. In the end, they were just stories and after awhile he didn't need them anymore. He imagines it must be devastating having that parent in your life one moment and then without warning gone forever. In that way, Beckett is a constant reminder of one of his greatest fears for his own daughter. If anything should happen to him, he worries what would become of Alexis. Who would love her? Comfort her? Would she let anyone else ever get close enough? Those are questions he doesn't have answers to but he's convinced that the woman beside him gives Alexis her best chance of being alright should that fear ever become a reality.

Castle knows it's going to be a long night, still, seeing Beckett looking cozy beneath her many blankets gives him some comfort. He fears her nightmares are about her mom and, more specifically, her mom's murder. Beckett spends her days witnessing and avenging the awful acts of others yet the loss of her mother is the one thing that haunts her. He's sure it's the reason for the somber look she sometimes gets. It's a look that robs her green eyes of their spark and carries her somewhere far away. He suspects it's a place where she relives happier times growing up in a house full of love and laughter only to mourn them just as quickly. One day maybe she'll tell him. In the meantime, he's satisfied knowing that there is some peace in the world for Kate Beckett even if it only exists in her dreams.

"_You really need to take better care of yourself Kit Kat."_

_Looking at a smiling Johanna Beckett, Kate can't resist returning her smile. She hasn't heard Kit Kat in forever. Only her parents had ever called her that. It was one of the many things her dad no longer did. She resists the urge to reach over to touch her mom's face,"Is it really you?"_

_Johanna takes Kate's hand covering it with her own ,"You know you always get sick when you don't get enough sleep. That's how you ended up with pneumonia for Christmas in the 9__th__ grade."_

_Her mom's hand feels just as she remembers. The skin warm and smooth, her grip gentle yet firm. Kate can feel the tears in her eyes as she looks down at the nails painted the familiar wine color. Her mom would meticulously keep her nails painted and trimmed, the same time yelling at her daughter for biting her own. Kate speaks without looking up, "Mom. I don't understand."_

As Kate moves her hand, Castle feels a twinge of disappointment. Expecting she's about to let go, he reluctantly loosens his grip. To his surprise, she doesn't. Squeezing tighter, she brings his hand with hers so that they rest against her face. The soft feel of her bottom lip pressing on his thumb and the warmth of her breath sends chills through him. That she has this effect on him makes Castle feel like a teenager on his first date. It's not as if he's never held a woman's hand before. It's not even the first time he's held Beckett's hand. No, the first time was the evening of the charity ball. After all this time, he still can't believe how nervous he had been waiting for her to arrive at his apartment. A complete disgrace to the ladies man reputation he had painstakingly built over his career. Beckett spent much of the ride from his apartment to the event going over last minute details on the phone with Ryan and Esposito. Castle, on the other hand, heard hardly any of it. He was too distracted by how exquisite Beckett looked in the dress he picked out for her and checking to make sure his hands weren't sweating as much as he imagined. It was only when they pulled up to the red carpet and he was in front of the flashbulbs that his nerves disappeared. Playing to the crowd as usual, smiling for fans and paparazzi, Castle had offered his hand to Beckett just as she was about to step out of the car. The second her hand touched his, he was mesmerized. It was what happened every time she let him see beyond the walls of Beckett to catch a small glimpse of Kate. It was only then that he realized how very nervous the normally unflappable detective was. Since he's met her a day hasn't gone by that he hasn't taken a moment to admire how beautiful she was but when nervous, the woman was absolutely adorable. Castle smiles thinking of the mix of uncertainty and trust he saw in her eyes as she prepared to exit the limo. Before she stood, she drew a deep breath and squeezed his hand. It made his pulse race just like it's doing right now.

"_It's simple. I'm your mom. It's my job to be here when you're sick."_

_Overwhelmed, Kate looks up trying to take everything in. Her mom looks and sounds exactly the same. Kate knows this is impossible it's just that it feels so real. Her mind is racing as she tries to memorize every detail. She wishes she could lock it away in a place that will forever go untouched by time. _

"_Where's that girl who loved to laugh and smile? What have you done with her?"_

"_I still do those things."_

"_Yes, but not nearly enough, not as much as you used to."_

_It's true. She doesn't. She hasn't been that person for a long time. She could never give herself permission to be so happy again. How could she with her mom dead? With her killer living life as if he hadn't stolen something precious? So many thoughts running through her head, suddenly she had no idea what to say. _

_Her mom brushes her bangs away from her eyes "Your hair's getting long again. I like it. You know what else I like?"_

_Kate closes her eyes. Even as a teenager, she loved it when her mom brushed her hair. As she sat on her parents' bed, her mom would always want to talk. School, boys, trips she would take, things she would do, the grandchildren she would watch torture her daughter, anything and everything. The brushing was so relaxing and her mom's voice so soothing, it always made Kate want to fall asleep. Kate opens her eyes, "What?"_

"_Your friend," Johanna gives her daughter a knowing look, "Oh, don't pretend you don't know. He's with you now."_

"_With me…" Kate looks around the room trying to remember. She winces as her mom lightly touches the bruise on her forehead. Immediately she's overcome with the disappointment of realizing it really is a dream, "Castle."_

Beckett is a woman who prides herself in always being in complete control. She takes great care in all that she does, including her choice of words. That she talks in her sleep is a rather interesting development. That she is saying _his _name in her sleep is making Castle perfectly giddy. Grinning from ear to ear, his mind races through the possible scenarios. Beckett's starred in his dreams more times than he can count. For obvious reasons, those dreams never fail to leave him with a smile on his face but there's something else. The Kate Beckett of his dreams is always happy. It's what he wishes for her.

Castle's curiosity grows seeing her brow wrinkle. She does the exact same thing right before she's figured out something in a case. He's seen it a thousand times. Each time he gets excited because he knows there's something coming. Like him, Beckett gets a rush when she starts unlocking the final pieces of the mystery. Castle enjoys watching her do that almost as much as he enjoys doing it with her. She is quite possibly one of the smartest people he's ever met. In his line of work, he's met many great minds. She, though, is a lethal combination of both cunning and intelligence. She's not a liar yet she is not above using subterfuge when it suits her. In recent months, she's shown a particular penchant for tricking him. Each time she does, he finds himself more and more intrigued by her. He had suspected she was playful but she hid it so well he began doubting himself. That she so willingly shows him that side of her now only intensifies his attraction.

"_Yes, that's him. He takes good care of you."_

_Kate's first instinct is to roll her eyes. The truth is she has been noticing more of that side of Castle. She's can't put her finger on it but something has definitely changed between them. His questions that she used to see as bait for more information for his books, she now sees as concern or support. The nice things he does for her like getting her a cup of coffee seem more genuine now and less like a ploy to get something in return. She's just not sure. "I wouldn't go that far."_

_Johanna Beckett shakes her head, "Always so stubborn. He's good for you. He makes you laugh and you smile more when he's around. He's even saved your life once or twice."_

_Her mom's right of course. Castle's done those things and more. He saved her with his books before he even knew her. "Mom, that's not exactly…"_

"_Don't even try to deny it young lady."_

_Seeing her own smirk staring back at her all Kate can do is laugh. It's as if she's standing in front of a mirror. This is the one look she gives that her dad immediately tells Kate she resembles her mother. _

"_He's even sharing his family with you."_

_Thinking of a response, Kate feels her face get warm and can't seem to control her smile. He has never hesitated to open up his home to her. From that first time she saw Castle and Alexis dressed in that ridiculous laser tag equipment until now, he's done nothing but welcome her into his home. All of the Castles have. Still, what do any of those things really mean? Nothing is as it appears with Rick Castle, "How do you…"_

"_Because I'm still watching. Still making sure you're okay."_

_Her mom's words bring the tears back to her eyes. Since Kate was a little girl, her mom's told her that she had an angel watching over her. As a child she believed this without question but that lessened in her teenage years. Between the night of her mom's death and the funeral, Kate prayed every night that angels did indeed exist and that her mom would be hers. She hasn't stopped believing since. The idea of her mom watching over her has always brought her comfort. Of course, there have been times when her belief has been tested. Those years her dad was drinking, Kate often wondered where that angel went. She felt so alone then that she convinced herself she didn't deserve to be happy if she couldn't make things right by getting her dad sober and solving her mom's case. Kate struggled to understand how her mom could abandon her again when she needed her most. Still, even in her darkest moments, part of her always believed that angels existed. Now she prefers to think they sometimes watch from afar to let you work things out on your own. _

"_Mom," Kate's voice is barely a whisper. She's forgotten how nice it is to say the word, "I miss you."_

"_I know. I miss you too. I'm so proud of you." Johanna leans over, wrapping her daughter in a hug. She rubs circles on her back as she rocks her. _

_Kate's brain reminds her it's a dream. Her heart, though, desperately wants to believe that it's real. Wants to believe that her mom's here, just as she remembered her. Wants to be able to erase that horrible night that changed everything. So for this moment, she chooses to turn her back on the realist that she has become so that she can be the dreamer that she once was. Doing so lets her feel whole again. _

The expression on Beckett's face makes Castle beam. Flipping through his Beckett file, he cannot find a single one like it. The closest he finds is the one that graces her face when she closes a case. Even that smile, though, is tinged with sadness for the lives lost and the loved ones left behind. He wonders what it is that can possibly put such a peaceful smile on Beckett's face. Whatever the reason, he's thankful for it.

It's after 1:00am and, all of a sudden, Castle's the one struggling to stay awake. The exhaustion of flying cross country is catching up to him. As usual, he was too excited to see Alexis to actually sleep on the plane. He left her only as much as was necessary and never for longer than a week. On top of that, he was practically counting down to when he'd get to see Beckett as he sat through that boring meeting with his publisher. Not that he minds being tired. Alexis and Beckett are both certainly worth a little sleep deprivation and more. Convinced Beckett's okay for now, he closes his eyes pushing aside thoughts of hospitals, nightmares, murders and other worries. Instead he allows himself to consider the possibility of a future filled with more nights of falling asleep next to Kate.

**A/N:**

Thanks for reading! No worries…plenty of Beckett/Castle goodness in the final few chapters


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N **

Hello & Happy New Year! Thanks for your patience with this fic. I'm glad that the holiday madness is over and I can get back to writing it. The reviews for Chapter 9 were awesome. I'm so happy that you've enjoyed it and the feedback is much appreciated. I hope you like this chapter just as much.

**Chapter 10**

_Her mom's always been a good hugger. In her arms now, Kate can't think of anything better. Lost in her thoughts, she's taken off guard when her mom starts to pull away. Immediately, she knows something's wrong. It was always Kate who pulled away first never her mom. She holds on tighter, not ready to let go again so soon, "Mom."_

"Ow! Ow! OW!! APPLES! APPLES!!!"

Castle's eyes start to water as the pain intensifies. Waking up next to a beautiful woman is every man's dream except when she is crushing his hand like a vise. That happens to be this particular writer's nightmare. As he struggles to free one of his most valuable assets, he is surprised that the perpetrator is still asleep. Castle twists his hand until he's finally able to slide it out of her death grip. One day he hopes those hands are on his skin for pleasure rather than the pain they seem to regularly inflict upon him. Flexing his fingers, Castle's relieved to find them all in working order. What he is not happy to see, is that the peaceful face he fell asleep to is now marred by an awful grimace.

_There's only silence as her mom continues pulling away from Kate._

"_Mom. What's wrong?" Holding even tighter, Kate can't understand why her mom's slipping out of her arms. The sadness of too many years apart instantly floods her heart._

_Johanna takes a step back then puts a hand on each of her daughter's cheeks before turning away._

_Ignoring the panic beginning to creep back into her mind, Kate brings her own hand up to touch the wetness she now feels on her face. As she sees the red liquid on her fingers, her breathing speeds up and tears fill her eyes. Looking down, she finds the same red soaking both her gown and her hands. _

_Before Kate can remind herself this world isn't real, her mind is overcome by a panic she knows all too well. Her voice cracks, "Mom"_

_Johanna Beckett stops and faces her daughter._

_Kate inhales sharply, "No." _

_Gone is the woman seen smiling in the happy family pictures. Standing in her place is the victim. The woman whose bloodied and broken body was captured in the NYPD's crime scene photos. Her eyes empty. Her body pale. Her shirt drenched in blood. Kate looks away. The sight too much for her eyes to bear. Too much for her heart to remember. _

"_I'm leaving Kate. Just like you wanted." _

_The unfamiliar bitterness in her mom's words shatters Kate's weary heart. Shaking her head, her voice is thick with desperation, "No, I want…I want you to stay. I NEED you to stay." _

"_There's no reason to stay. You've moved on with your life. Isn't that that why you stopped looking for the person who did this? So you could forget?" _

_Shaking her head, Kate tries to get up out of the bed but she can't. All she can do is yell as her mom walks away, "NO!"_

"NO!" Kate shoots up in bed screaming. Not trusting her surroundings, her eyes search the room without any real idea what she's looking for. Her heart clings to the impossible hope that her mom is there until she sees Castle behind her. Still unsure, she kicks off her blankets looking for the blood that covered her only moments ago. Checking her hands, her clothes, her face, she sees there's nothing there. She should be relieved. Instead there is only grief.

Castle is stunned as Kate's piercing screams still echo in his ears. Within moments, the possibilities of what he should do begin racing through his head. His first instinct is to reach out to hold her. His second to ask if she's okay. Knowing neither is right, Castle calls upon every ounce of his restraint and forces himself to wait. As he watches Kate frantically examine her hands and her surroundings, he wonders what terrible things in her nightmares caused such panic. When her eyes briefly meet his, he's disappointed that there is not the slightest recognition in them. Castle can't help but think how much he preferred the pain in his hand to the one that's now settling into his heart.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots the two nurses just as they get to the door. Immediately, he waves them away, mouthing _she's okay_ without any idea if it's true. The only truth he knows is that the normally very controlled Kate Beckett sits before him shaking like a leaf.

_Breathe Beckett. Breathe. _In spite of the tightness in her chest, Kate is sure she can do at least that much. Opening her eyes, she inspects her trembling hands once more. It's only then that she is satisfied that it was a dream. That it's just she and Castle occupying this room. Castle. He hasn't said a word. Suddenly, Kate regrets getting swept away by the soup, the cards, the blanket…him. She knows better. The idea of what Castle must think of his crumbling muse makes her stomach turn. Wanting to be anywhere else, she pulls her knees to her chest and buries her face in her hands.

Returning his eyes to Kate, Castle's met with the sight of bare skin and hot pink. Under any other circumstance, it's a view that would lead to relentless teasing about her color choices and a debate of boy shorts versus thongs. Tonight, it's a sight that forces his eyes to the floor. He knows that Kate's already exposed more of herself than she is comfortable with. Her lack of modesty additional evidence of how very distressed she is.

Realizing that Kate's not making any effort to cover herself up, he reaches over to close the back of her hospital gown. When he's only inches away, Castle stops. He's touched her a thousand times. More, if you count his fantasies. This, though, doesn't feel right. By now Beckett should be threatening him with bodily harm. At the very least, yelling at him. Instead, there's only silence. A silence heavy with the pain of this extraordinary woman's broken spirit. Holding his breath, he gathers one of the blankets that she's pushed aside and carefully sets it against her lower back.

Kate tenses as she feels the blanket touch her. It's a reminder that she needs to pull herself together before she completely freaks Castle out. She knows that her gown has come undone but she is too overwhelmed to care. Anyway, she's certain Castle's seen plenty of women's underwear. Hugging her knees tighter, she wishes she could pull in her emotions as easily. She'd like nothing more than to box them up in a neat little package and send them far, far away.

As she turns her head towards the window, Kate's comforted by the return of a single pleasant thought. The image of Castle happily chatting with Alexis only a little while ago. It surprises her that the mere thought of it lifts her spirits even now. Closing her eyes, Kate tries to drive that memory so deeply into her brain that it pushes out all the bad ones. Failing, she sits up bracing herself on the bed. Her eyes burn with unshed tears as the bloody images dance across the city lights and her anger grows.

This is ridiculous. She should be stronger. She _is_ stronger. This dream is an old foe that's robbed her of sleep long after all the others disappeared. All those sleepless nights teaching her that hot showers, Richard Castle's books and work were the best ways to fight this particular enemy. This time, though, there is no shower to hide in. No book to escape in. No work to do. There is just this bed. This room. Castle.

Watching his friend, he can't remember a time he's felt more useless. The few feet between them might as well be miles. Not able to stand it anymore, he leans forward hoping her face will give him a hint of how to help. What he finds is a look he never wants to see again. Kate's face is even paler and the angry purple bruise accentuates the terror in her eyes. It takes Castle's breath away. In their time together, he cannot recall ever seeing true fear on that face. It's not that he doesn't think Kate's been afraid. He's sure of it. She's just always been in enough control to keep it hidden.

"Kate"

Hearing her name, Kate gathers what's left of her courage to look at the writer. She meets his gaze, as she's done so often, only this time she says nothing. She can't. Not yet. Ashamed, Kate turns away from him. She locks her arms tightly against her chest as if they were a dam that could hold back her tears. Detective Kate Beckett does not cry in front of people. She cries in private and she'll be damned if she lets Rick Castle see that too. He's seen enough. The helplessness clouding his bright blue eyes confirms that fact. There is only so much of her dignity she can endure losing, only so much pain she can bear to cause him. She is sure they've both had enough.

Castle's trying not to take it personally. He gets that she's overwhelmed. Understands her need to create space between them. He would never deny her that. What he can't do is pretend not to be hurt by what he saw in her eyes right before she looked away. The trust he'd seen earlier had disappeared leaving only fear mixed with shame. Kate's afraid of whatever haunts her sleep but also of him. Of what he might think of her. Not of Beckett, not of the detective but of Kate. She's so afraid that she's no longer willing to trust him and that crushes him. Rationally, he understands her fear. It's his heart that is finding it impossible to comprehend how they took so many steps backwards in so short a time.

Disheartened, Castle retreats to the opposite end of the bed. He considers himself a man of considerable talents. If he can't talk his way out of it, charm his way out of it, write his way out of it or buy his way out if it, he knows a guy who can help get him out of it. His success depends on it finding a way to make things work. Now, for the first time in years, that mantra is coming up short. Castle knows he could write Nikki Heat a perfect ending befitting of the heroine she is. He wants to do the same for this woman he cares so much about. Unfortunately, here, with the detective's warning that cops don't get to decide how the story ends replaying in his mind, he's becoming less and less sure he can help Kate make it through even a single night.

"It's just a dream. It's just a dream. It's just a dream."

Kate repeats it, desperate to reassure herself that the disturbing images running through her mind are nothing more than her imagination. Still, they terrify her as much now as they did that first night. So often she's wondered how this dream could have so much power over her. Each time she came back to the same conclusion. It terrifies her because it's true. She did have her mom's blood on her hands. No matter how much she showered. No matter how much therapy she had. The blood of her failure remains. As the years passed, she's come to accept it as part of the fragile peace she's made with herself. It's a peace that has proven durable yet never quite strong enough to erase her guilt. A guilt that lies just below the surface, seeping through the cracks in her armor on nights like this.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be up by Monday. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **

_THANK YOU! Love seeing all the reviews, alerts and favorites coming in. This chapter is ridiculously overdue and I won't bore you with the details just know I've given up declaring deadlines. I do, though, promise to update regularly and that this story will have an ending. Thanks for sticking with Just Another Layer. Enjoy the update..._

**Chapter 11**

The writer's uneasiness only grows as Kate struggles to comfort herself. It seems almost cruel that something she offers so effortlessly to others eludes her when she needs it. Castle can still remember the night he realized how deep her compassion ran. He had been mesmerized watching her lay down her gun in the laundry room. Listening to her appeal to the suspect in _that_ tone he still can't quite describe. Those words that convinced the pregnant girl who had killed her friend in a fit of jealousy that this detective understood. That she cared. Castle would have wagered an impressive sum that it was all a ploy to close the case. Never had he pictured a cop as by the book as Detective Becket being able to show such compassion to anyone, least of all a murderer. It had been one of the first things he'd gotten wrong about this muse of his.

Detective Kate Beckett had a powerful gift. No matter the circumstance, she seemed to know exactly how to put those facing unimaginable loss at ease, if only for a moment. With little more than her words she absorbed their hurt, regret and even their anger. Ever the patient detective, she let those words sink in until she was sure they believed her. Believed that not only would Detective Beckett find the truth but she would find it for a reason that went beyond doing her job. She would find it for _them_. It was the promise she made, whether spoken or not, every time. That it worked at all in this cynical city piqued the writer's curiosity. That it almost never failed still amazed him.

She had perfected her craft, making it look so easy and shrugging it off as nothing special. In spite of what Beckett might say, Castle knew this was far from true. Still, rarely had he delved into the subject with Beckett herself. He had asked others how she did it but never pushed her for an answer. Deep down he was pretty sure he already knew.

It worked simply because when Detective Beckett spoke to them she really was on their side. During those conversations, for the briefest of moments, she allowed herself to just be Kate. The young woman whose life was changed in a way she'd never imagined in the countless hours spent planning her future. No matter what, Kate was genuinely sorry for the pain of the victims, those left behind and, yes, sometimes even those who committed the crime. So she pulls for them to overcome their particular demons offering them comfort and hope as she does. To this day, Castle has no idea how she summons the strength to greet each one and their personal tragedy with a warm heart instead of stone cold professionalism.

Kate imagines this is what quicksand feels like. The rush of panic. The fear of sinking deeper with every breath. Castle's silence tells her he is as lost as she is. It seems impossible that two people who spend so much time together cannot find a single thing to say to each other. Part of her wishes he'd return to his earlier ramblings about California, Nikki Heat, anything to distract her from the dangerous path her mind is travelling. The more rational part fears the words that eventually come out of Castle's mouth will be serious and she's not ready for that. She needs more time to prop those walls back up around her and it has little to do with keeping Castle out. He's seen more of her than most and, as much as she hates to admit it, it has become a foregone conclusion in her mind that he will one day make it all the way in. Still, those walls are important. The job is too hard not to have them and life too temporary. They give her the freedom to leap into every case without losing herself like she once had. It's those walls that help her turn her own loss into a way to ease someone else's. They are what usually keep the nightmares at bay. It's those walls that push her forward on the days her heart feels too exhausted to keep going. Those walls are as necessary to her survival as the air she breathes.

With each passing minute, Castle becomes more and more convinced he will not survive this standoff much longer. If Beckett's silence doesn't kill him, he's certain the wrath of Lanie will once she hears of his failure. The medical examiner used every second of their brief conversation earlier to make her expectations crystal clear. Castle winces as he replays her words…

_Castle, mess this up and Beckett's cold shoulder will look like a heat wave compared to what I'll do to you._

Her point made, Lanie had abruptly hung up on him leaving Castle staring at his iPhone. He shakes his head at how quickly things change. Hours ago, he had been so glad Lanie asked him to stay, he neglected to ask her any other questions. Questions that, in hindsight, seem much more important than the boost his ego received when Lanie proclaimed that_ he _was exactly what Beckett needed tonight. Now with the woman before him unraveling, doubt chipped away at all the clarity and determination Castle felt after that conversation. He's left with the same ominous feeling he had when faced with telling Beckett about snooping in her mom's case. That night, in this very hospital, he had taken a chance and failed miserably. Still, he owes it to Kate to at least try to show her he's on her side too. If she can do it for complete strangers, he can do it for her.

Castle's touch startles Kate, drawing her back into a reality she'd prefer to ignore. Her head's pounding, from the shame or the flu she isn't quite sure. The disturbing images from her dreams mixed with thoughts of Castle swirl around her head. As her instincts take her further away from him on the bed, she immediately regrets it. It's not him. He is possibly, although Lanie would say definitely, one of the best things in her life. She…this…is likely to ruin it. To make it one more mistake to add to her list of regrets. What good is a broken muse to Richard Castle? He doesn't need her. Not like this.

Swinging his legs off the side of the bed, hands braced on his thighs, Castle sighs. Just when he thinks he can't possibly feel any more uncomfortable it gets worse. It's not a game. He and Kate aren't playing house. This is serious. That she pulled away the instant he touched her shoulder is serious. Lanie's instructions were to be his _pushy and persistent_ _self _but he's not so sure he's got the strength to do it. He's seriously considering giving in and walking away. He doesn't want to but he's terrified that she will shut him out even more if he stays. Scared to death of pushing her too far. For all he knows, he already has.

Feeling Castle move away too only adds to Kate's frustration. It's her fault. All of it. With each moment she stays silent, she stretches the distance between them. She's not used to Castle pulling back when she pushes him. She's used to him holding his ground. He's always there ready and willing to do or be whatever she needs even if it's as small as bringing her a cup of coffee or making her laugh. That he's not pushing back magnifies her panic. It's not that she couldn't be alone. Before he came into her life she prided herself on her independence. Now, though, the idea of being without Castle makes her feel lonelier than she has in years. The only problem is that she doesn't know how to take care of herself without pushing him away in the process. Just like her mom, Castle's slipping out of her reach and she feels powerless to stop it.

Castle takes a quick look over his shoulder at Beckett then back at his phone. He pulls up the text Lanie had sent him a few hours ago hoping to find courage in her not so gentle reminder…

_Man up Castle. You better not even think of leaving my girl alone. _

Lanie really was one hell of a best friend. Exactly the kind a woman like Kate needed. If he leaves now, Lanie would never forgive him. Kate would forgive him but probably never let herself ever really trust him again. That's not a risk he's willing to take, and, truth is he would never forgive himself. They're a team. A damn good one. Not once had they failed to figure things out even when it was each other they were fighting. Together they always solved whatever challenge they faced. That they're both scared is no reason for him to give up. Kate hasn't. She is fighting her own internal battle with all she's got left. He's sure of it even though she hasn't said a word. Looking at her, Castle's face lights up as the realization hits him. When he promised Kate she could lean on him, it never occurred to him that she might not know how to. Kate doesn't need saving by a knight in shining armor, she merely needs a friend to help show her the way. That is something Richard Castle can definitely do.

Armed with renewed hope and determination, Castle takes a deep breath, "Kate, you're freezing. Time to get you warmed up."

Her eyes close as she tries to wrap herself in the comfort of his voice. Not trusting her own, she simply nods her consent.

Encouraged Castle makes his way towards her and lifts the strings of her hospital gown. It's only then that he notices how unsteady his own hands have become. Careful not to touch her skin, he ties them tight. Castle gathers up the blanket he brought her, the one he knows Kate likes more than she'll admit, and gently drapes it around her. His eyes never leave her body as he watches her breathing start to steady. He holds the blanket in place around her until her eyes open and her hand brushes his own as she grabs onto the blanket's edge.

"I'm so sorry Kate."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:**

You guys are the best! Thanks so much for all of your kind words and alerts. I love reading them and they totally make me smile. Here's Chapter 12. I found it one of the hardest to write and hope that it turned out to be something you'll enjoy reading.

**Chapter 12**

"I'm so sorry Kate."

Rick Castle was not someone who made a habit of apologizing. Aside from those that involved Alexis, there were few things the novelist took seriously enough to bother. He preferred letting his actions fix any mistakes rather than waste time uttering empty apologies. Of course, that was before.

Since worming his way into the life of Kate Beckett he finds himself saying _sorry_ quite a bit. At times it's merely the easiest way to get out of trouble but more often than not he says it to her because he truly means it. Only once has he meant it more than he does tonight. Sitting here he could no longer resist the overwhelming urge to say those words. He is sorry. Sorry that, no matter what he or anyone else ever does, Kate will always carry this heartache. That reality tugs his heart in a way only Alexis' pain ever has. His sadness serving as one more reminder as to why Kate's name is on a very short list of people he tries never to disappoint. Those same people are ones he would do anything for to make happy.

The pity she hears in Castle's words rips Kate from the comfort she'd found only moments before. That voice that brightens so many of her days now makes her want to disappear. As a familiar shame rises within her, she wants nothing more than to escape to a place where she can pretend that Rick Castle still sees her as extraordinary.

Sometimes she wishes he'd never said the word. Extraordinary. One word that changed so much. The first time he used it to describe her she was speechless. Shocked that he said it and, possibly even more so, that she dared to believe him. The cop in her could spot a line a mile away and mystery writer man had thrown plenty her way. Somehow, though, Kate knew that moment was different. Castle's words, never lacking passion, were full of more sincerity than she'd ever heard from him. Whatever lingering doubt she may have had vanished when she saw the word 'extraordinary' next to her initials in his book dedication. Reading it took her breath away. That she meant something to Castle beyond a character in a book mattered more to her than she would have liked.

Castle may have been the first to call her extraordinary but not the first to pity her. No, pity she has seen many times. It painted the faces and corrupted the words of a long line of friends, colleagues and boyfriends. It amazed her that, no matter who it came from, the pity always looked the same. The first wave appeared when they found out about her mom's murder. That was the easiest to take. The one she allowed. It was the subsequent waves that were the worst. Kate learned long ago that once the pity resurfaces, it changes everything. Attacking like a virus, it invades every aspect of those relationships until it's either all that's left or becomes the only thing that Kate can see. Within the comfort of her closest circle she has always been safe from that pity. Until tonight.

"I don't want your pity Castle."

There's no mistaking the anger in her voice. As she sits up a little straighter, he can practically see her reconstructing the virtual fortress around her brick by painful brick. He should have known she would find pity where none existed. Instead of being discouraged, though, he is emboldened. For the first time since Kate walked away from him in that hospital hallway, Castle isn't scared to push her. Sure, he's nudged her but he'd been terrified to really push for fear that their relationship was too fragile to withstand it. He was wrong. She's still Beckett. They're still partners. He can keep pushing until she either starts talking or yelling at him but she won't break. This time they're strong enough that she will not walk away. Neither will he.

"Kate, you know that's not what I meant."

Shaking her head, Kate squeezes her knees up to her chest. The man whose face is splashed all over Page Six was never supposed to be this guy. Rick Castle, the cocky writer, is only supposed to care about himself. His greatest worry should be how many different models he can wine and dine in a week and get into his bed. He's supposed to be the writer whose concern for his latest muse lasts only as long as it takes to write a decent book or to accept that this detective won't ever be ending up in his bed.

No, Rick Castle was never supposed to be this guy. Patiently waiting in a drab hospital room, jumping through hoops trying to make his stubborn partner feel better. The one more concerned about his friend's wellbeing than his muse's secrets. He was never supposed to be the guy she depends on. Kate always knew it was safer the other way.

"Looks like you finally know the truth Castle. Your muse is apparently much more broken than you ever gave her credit for."

Castle cringes as the memory of that day comes crashing back. He sat across the table from her as they sorted through fan mail. Not looking at Beckett was driving him crazy so he split his time between reading and stealing glances at her. Then, in typical Rick Castle fashion, he set out to prove to the smart detective just how clever he was. He masterfully spun her story, the flash of pain in her eyes and her defiant retort confirming that he was right. That he'd won and rattled Beckett in the process made it easy for him to brush off her discomfort. All that mattered was that he had gained the upper hand in the little game he created for them. They've come a long way since that day. Never again can he imagine ignoring her pain.

"You're not broken Kate."

As much as she may feel like she is, Kate knows Castle's right. She's tired, stubborn but not broken. She's carried the weight of her guilt, her what might have beens around for so long that she _almost _forgot how heavy they truly were when she insisted on bearing them alone. For years, her burdens were lessened by the smallest bit of peace she brought to others. Each solved case restoring a small piece of herself. Castle gives her back tiny pieces of herself too. Some that she believed were gone forever, some she had forgotten that she ever had at all. Here he is trying to give her back one more. Trying to share her burden again as a trusted friend does. This time, though, she's too stubborn to let him.

"This isn't some chapter you're writing Castle. You have no idea. You never have"

In spite of the seriousness of her words, the surrender in her voice reveals her bluff. She'd rather push him away, pretend that none of this happened. They've been through too much for him to do that. Whether she will admit it to herself or anyone else he knows her. He always has.

Being with her tonight, though, he understands so much more. Finally, he sees the Kate Beckett so carefully protected in the center of the onion. The one that threatened to slip out when he told her what he'd found about her mom's case. Suddenly, it's clear to him why the detective who stands strong against every challenge had to walk away. He always thought it was driven by her anger at him but now he realizes there was more. It was pure self-preservation. It was what Kate needed to do to move forward. All those times he's heard her talk to victims' families about moving forward he never truly understood what those words meant. A person who's moved forward tucks away their regrets so they feel lighter but they're always with them. They carry them around pretending they are much deeper below the surface than they actually are. The reality is they're always conscious of the inevitability that one day those old scabs will become picked over and start bleeding again. Kate is one of the strongest people he knows yet it amazes him that until tonight he had no idea how strong she really was. He won't let her down.

"For a cop, you're a terrible liar. I _do _know you Kate. I know that you're glad I'm here even though it feels like torture. I know that while you would be the last person to judge anyone in your situation, you are beating yourself up for some weakness that does not exist. We both know that I understand more of what's under the layers of what you so aptly call the Beckett Onion than most people. I also know that while part of you still believes the only reason I stick around is Nikki Heat, a much larger part knows that's not true at all."

Kate feels like someone threw a bucket of cold water on her. Castle's tone, a sharp edge replacing its usual lightness, is one he only uses to declare something nonnegotiable. That he expects to get his way which in this case would be her cooperation. Because Castle uses it sparingly, more often than not, she acquiesces when she hears it. It's his way of telling her something is important to him. She's never hated that tone more.

"Castle, I want…"

Running out of patience, Castle cuts her off, "I think you're so exhausted that you're not sure what you really want and it's easier to fight with me than to deal with what's going on in your head."

Castle waits for Kate to either start yelling or turn around and smack him. When neither happens he continues, "It's okay to stop fighting Kate. It's okay to be tired. It's okay."

Biting her lip to hold back her tears Kate doesn't have to look at Castle to know that there's no pity on his face. She's almost positive that there is only determination. Even now, it's one of her favorite things about him.

"C'mon Kate, lay down and try to get some rest."

She lays down without turning to face him sure her tears will break free as soon as their eyes meet. With the siderail as her lifeline, Kate digs her fingernails into the skin of her hand. Her mind runs through the dream, the night, everything trying to assemble her tattered emotions like evidence in a case. She knows it won't work. It's a near impossible task yet she can't stop herself. If nothing else it makes her feel like she's doing something.

From his spot on the bed, Castle's relieved to see her face again. Eyes closed, Kate's lips move the same as they do when she's stumped staring at the murder board or making herself concentrate to finish paperwork. He's passed countless hours as a consultant watching her do this. Just like there, barely any sound comes out. Such a quirky habit for someone usually so restrained. He wonders what exactly she's trying to figure out.

Castle makes himself comfortable next to her once again. As Lanie's words _pushy and persistent_ ring in his head, he rests his hand on her arm. Kate tenses but, to his relief, she doesn't move away.

"Kate, whatever you saw in your dreams, it's not real. None of that is real. You know what's real? You here with me. Us. This time tomorrow you'll be home in your own bed. I could even come share it with you if you want."

As Castle squeezes Kate's arm to reassure her, he swears he hears the faintest chuckle break through the tears she's doing a terrible job trying to hide. Feeling her tremble, Castle tucks the blanket around her a little tighter.

He can feel the awkwardness between them disappearing the longer they lay there. The comfortable silence interrupted only by Kate's occasional sniffle. Castle keeps his hand on her arm hoping it helps her remember that no matter how lonely she feels she is not alone.

Loosening her grip on the railing, Kate wraps her fingers in the blanket. Amazed that Castle has succeeded in making her feel safe again. Seems all it takes is a touch, a word, a look and he reassures her even when she does her best to push him away. She has no idea how he manages to do it or why it makes her feel that way. All she knows is that she's very grateful that he does.

"I hate this."

Kate's voice, barely a whisper, makes him want to wrap his arms around her until she doesn't hurt anymore. He resists the urge to again tell her he's sorry, not willing to risk her thinking it's pity for a second time. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything tonight has shot another hole in his already porous theory of why, someday, the two of them can't be more than friends.

"I know Kate. I know."

"I see her. My mom. We talk. It's so nice." She pauses letting the tears roll down her cheeks, "She looks exactly like I remember."

Afraid of spooking her, Castle stays silent. For all his pushing and probing, it's always when he least expects it that Kate shares a very private piece of herself. Each time she does he feels privileged that she trusts him that much more.

From the moment she knew Castle planned on staying, she had vowed that she would not tell him about her dreams. That they would remain private. Laying here, it's a vow that she has no desire to uphold. It's too overwhelming for her to keep them inside anymore.

"Then…her blood… I have her blood all over me."

Sliding his hand beneath the blanket, Castle rubs his fingers up and down her arm trying to reassure her. He knows the more she talks about it, the less it will be swirling around that beautiful head of hers.

"She thinks I gave up. That I chose this life over finding her killer. That I betrayed her."

Castle pulls Kate closer to him as tears come crashing through those walls of hers, "Kate your mother would want you to be happy. She would understand why you couldn't keep looking. It was just a dream Kate."

"But what if.."

"No. No more what ifs. Not now."

"It feels the same. Like that night. Like that night they told us."

For all the things she's told Castle he doesn't understand, this is the one she never will. She has no idea how it's possible to feel that same horror she felt so long ago. How those feelings still have the power to completely overwhelm her. Before that night she's sure she never knew real heartbreak. Just as ever since, she wonders if she'll ever again feel true joy.

"Kate…"

Realizing there's no point, Castle doesn't bother finishing. Nothing he can say will take away the memory that's so deeply burned into her brain. All he can do is wait as she tries to reign in her tears.

"I'm glad you're here."

Closing her eyes, the words slip out before she can overanalyze them. For once, she doesn't care that she may have said too much. She needs Castle and she's too tired, too defeated to deny it any more tonight.

Castle's not expecting her admission or that she lets her body relax against him. He squeezes her arm as a genuine smile returns to his face for the first time since her screams woke him.

"I'll always be here Kate."

**A/N: **

Thanks for reading! We're in the home stretch…only 2 or 3 chapters left for this fic.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:**

Chapter 13 has arrived. As usual, hope it is worth the wait. Thanks for your reviews, alerts and favorites. Oh and patience. All are very much appreciated. Very cool of you to take the time to submit them. Enjoy!

**Chapter 13**

It seemed like forever before Kate surrendered once again to sleep. Even then, Castle forced himself to stay awake. Battling his own exhaustion, he stood guard anticipating another round of dreams. He didn't have to wait long. Kate's sleep quickly turned restless and her breathing became ragged once again. Watching such a strong woman wrestling the demons of her past humbled him. Unlike before, this time he knew exactly what he needed to do. Without even the slightest hesitation Castle gathered his courage and wrapped her in his arms. Holding Kate against him, he broke his silence only to reassure her that she was safe. That he was there. Cradling her tighter, he felt her body eventually relax. It was only when he was convinced that holding her helped ease her nightmares enough that she could sleep a little more peacefully that Castle gave into his own exhaustion.

An hour or so later, Castle can't help but think how cozy he is. Under the circumstances he knows it's the last thing that should be on his mind. This has been a terrible night. Kate's upset. He's worried. Still, with his arm securely around Kate's waist and his leg over hers he's quite content. Even better, it appears that his partner is as well. To his delight, some time ago Kate switched her grip from the fuzzy blanket in favor of his arm. Ending up in this position may not have been his intent but being so close to her, he can't help but relish in the discovery that this woman is a perfect fit in his arms.

Opening her eyes, Kate smiles at the sight of Castle's arms around her. She's positive they hadn't fallen asleep in this position. Afraid of what her dreams would bring, she fought sleep until her eyes felt so heavy she couldn't keep them open. As the unpleasant dreams descended upon her, she was surprised to feel Castle pull her into his arms. Drifting in and out of sleep, she felt comforted by his presence. His voice, gentler and calmer than what she was used to, seemed to be constantly reminding her that she was safe as his thumb softly brushed her cheek. Each time she startled awake, he tightened his grip. Every so often she felt herself holding on a little tighter too.

Now, laying cocooned within the arms of the friend she never so much as hugged before feels oddly familiar. Safe. Nothing like the panic she would have expected. Less unexpected is that she likes it. Likes the way the weight of his body feels against her hip. The way his face keeps brushing against her hair. The way her head fits in the crook of the arm that he's offered up as a pillow. It makes her feel loved. Shifting slightly, she slides her hand further up his arm and positions herself so that her head is leaning more on Castle's shoulder than his arm. His breathing tells her that he's awake and she knows she should make her way out of his arms. That is the right thing to do. Still, she's in no hurry to move away until she can no longer ignore the nagging voice in her head taunting her about the line they are dangerously close to crossing. That is if they haven't crossed it already. It's only then that she forces herself to speak.

"Castle"

His eyes closed, Castle takes in the sweet scent that is so uniquely Kate. He's missed that smell. Missed her.

"Rick. It's not that difficult of a name Kate. You can do it."

Any other day such a cocky correction would be met with an eye roll. Not tonight. Tonight she appreciates what Castle's trying to make sure she understands. Why it's important that she use his first name. It's his way of reassuring her once again that tonight's just for them. Private. Grateful for that, Kate gives in.

"Rick"

"Very good. Now that wasn't so hard was it?"

Resisting the impulse to let his face rest against hers, Castle pulls Kate closer to him. He's content to keep her in his arms for as long as she'll let him.

Even with her resolve to escape slipping away, Kate feels the tiniest flash of panic. Being here with Castle is easy. Too easy. It's not as if she's never imagined being in his arms. A few times she's even convinced herself that a relationship between them could work out. Of course, that was short lived as she quickly came up with ironclad counterarguments as to why it wouldn't work. Why it was better that it didn't work. That's exactly what she's doing now. It's the only way she'll be able to ask him to let go.

"Um"

"Yes Kate"

Trying to salvage the last remnants of sleep, Castle doesn't open his eyes. Yet, as tired as he is, he cannot stop his lips from smiling as he says her first name. He wishes he could say it more often.

Kate knows he's doing it on purpose. Saying her name _that_ way. It makes her forget that they're in an emergency room. Makes her mind flash forward once more to life with Rick Castle as her boyfriend. Sharing their lives beyond work. It makes her forget that they're partners. Friends. Nothing more.

"Um, I think…maybe you should…"

It takes a second for Castle's tired mind to break through its haze of denial before he understands what Kate's trying to tell him. A realization that is quickly followed by disappointment.

"Oh…you mean…right…of course."

Reluctantly, the writer untangles himself from his muse. Backing away to create space between them, he immediately misses the warmth of her body against his own. Struck by how very far away she seems now that she's out of his arms.

Turning around, Kate can't miss Castle's relief that she's facing him again. She also can't miss the wet splotches on his once crisp blue shirt. It's only then that she notices the dampness of her own clothes. Unsure if it's from her fever breaking or the stress of the dreams, she looks down as she feels her cheeks getting warm. Taking a deep breath, Kate sneaks a glance up at Castle. In an instant her embarrassment vanishes. In its place is amazement at how the man before her can still have a huge grin on his face when he's stuck here in the middle of the night wearing a shirt covered in someone else's sweat. Only Rick Castle.

"Your shirt. Sorry."

Castle doesn't take his eyes off of her. His shirt doesn't matter. All that matters right now is Kate.

"No problem. Actually, I think I could do pretty well in a wet t-shirt contest. Not as well as you, but I think I could hold my own."

Instead of responding with a snarky comment of her own, Kate simply watches the writer she's admired long before she ever interrupted his book launch party. Trademark smile in place. Unreadable eyes sparkling. She's never met anyone with Castle's passion. Not for murder or anything else.

When he gets neither a laugh or a roll of the eyes Castle starts to worry. Thankfully, his concern is short lived when Kate does something much better. She unleashes _the_ smile. The shy one that she rarely reveals. The one that starts with her eyes, lighting up her very pretty face in a way that makes it absolutely stunning.

For a few minutes they lay side by side without exchanging a word. Each lost in their own thoughts as they plot their next move. They may both be tired but it's still their game. They've played it every day since that first meeting. Happy to trade the upper hand throughout the day to keep things interesting. This time, though, they both suspect that the stakes are much higher.

Castle's eyes recognize the look on her face. When she lowers her guard enough for him to see it, he thinks that maybe, just maybe Kate's willing to consider a different future with him. It's a hopeful look filled with an unspoken desire for something they're both afraid to say out loud. He's seen that look before. She had it during the whole British secret agent debacle. That time he'd realized it too late and almost lost her. Castle's determined to do whatever he can not to let the moment slip by him again.

"Kate"

"Yeah"

She feels naked under his gaze. In the beginning she thought he was gawking but she's come to learn that's not always the case. He's studying her. The flirting merely a fun distraction as he draws out as many answers as he can without asking a single question. It's a tactic that works rather well for him.

Castle watches as Kate bites her lip in anticipation of his words. Sometimes the woman's a walking contradiction. He can only imagine how exhausting it must be for her to always wrestle with what she really wants versus what she'll allow herself to have.

"So I was thinking"

"Yes"

Her voice sounds more expectant than she'd like. If it ever comes up, she'll blame it on the fatigue of a long night. She fights the urge to look away as butterflies take over her stomach. She can count on one hand how often Castle's given her honest to goodness butterflies. The first time he leaned in and kissed her cheek. The first time he whispered in her ear. Then there was the Heat Wave party. Swept away by his book dedication, Kate was sure he was going to try to ask her for something more. Sure that she would have said yes. She still remembers how hurt she felt when that moment ended with talk of murder and a fight.

Believing that this could be their second chance, Castle moves a little closer to Kate. A smile plastered on his face, he fumbles for the right words.

"Maybe we…"

Kate jumps at the sound of the curtain being opened. Turning away so quickly that she misses the disappointment etched on Castle's face.

"Detective, I'm Liz your nurse for the night. At least for the few hours that are left of it."

Castle stares at the nurse in disbelief. If he didn't know better, he would swear that Esposito sent her. They share the same rotten sense of timing and a mischievous look when they know they're interrupting.

"Kate. You can call me Kate. Hi."

"Alright. How are you feeling Kate?

Nervous. Like she was 16 again and just got caught making out in her boyfriend's car by her father. Only Castle's not her boyfriend and they certainly weren't making out.

"Better. I feel better, thanks."

Liz had been warned by almost everyone working in the emergency room that night to watch her step around Kate Beckett. Stories of her dislike of hospitals and her short fuse had spread like wildfire. Liz even heard that she made one of the other nurses cry when she demanded to leave shortly after her arrival today. Seeing her now looking relaxed and smiling, Liz has a hard time imagining that or any of the other awful things she's heard. The detective seems friendly and looks happy. Well, as happy as any patient can be in her situation.

"Since you're awake we'll take your temperature. It's just about time for your next round of Tylenol."

Propping herself up in bed, Kate can't hide the shiver that goes through her. Within seconds, Castle's next to her wrapping the blanket around her shoulders.

"Ever the gentleman Castle."

The writer proudly accepts her compliment well aware of the sarcasm behind it. He's relieved to see more of Beckett shining through. It's a sign that she's feeling better and they'll be out of the hospital sooner rather than later.

"Some might even say a knight in shining armor."

"Easy there Lancelot. You gave me a blanket. I don't see any dragon slaying going on."

"The night's still young my lady. Liz do you think my friend here could get a new gown when you have a moment? Think it might warm her up a bit."

Liz does her best not to smile as she watches the pair. It doesn't go unnoticed that Castle has yet to take his eyes off of Kate. The mystery of their relationship is another reason nobody could stop talking about them. Once people got passed the panic of Kate's wrath, the emergency room was buzzing with news that the author and the detective who inspired his books were there for the night. The curiosity was becoming too much for all of them, especially once they were spotted laying in bed together. Liz had been given strict orders by her peers to get the dirt while she was in there.

"Sure. I can grab it right after I take Kate's temperature."

Like any good patient, Kate takes the thermometer and sets it in her mouth. Then, avoiding Castle's gaze, she picks an obscure spot on the wall to stare at. The whole time knowing that Castle is watching her every move however slight it might be.

Castle watches as Kate shifts nervously on the bed, wiping away the hair that falls in her eyes from her messy ponytail. One day he's going to have lots of fun teasing her about her fear of hospitals. He'll have to get Ryan and Esposito in on the action too. She won't be able to catch all of them.

Grabbing the thermometer, Liz's eyes move between author and muse.

"Well, your temp's lower but not quite low enough. I'll be right back with some Tylenol and a change of clothes."

"Thank you Liz," Castle in his most charming voice then answers Kate's glare in his most innocent, "What?"

Kate rolls her eyes at how easily Rick reverted back to his charming writer persona. It reminds her of all the doubts she's ever had about him. Annoyed she tries to maneuver herself off the bed. Standing she's hit with a sudden wave of dizziness and spaghetti legs.

As she falters, Castle is there grabbing her arms to help her keep her balance, "Woah there. Let me help you. Where are you going anyway?"

Her frustration building, Kate shoots him a death glare. She may be letting him help her but that doesn't mean that she can't walk to the bathroom or anywhere else she wanted to go on her own.

"The bathroom Castle. Last time I checked I didn't need to ask permission. I'm not an invalid ya know."

"No but do you really want to spend another night in this place?"

His words end her stubborn protest. Refusing to tell him he's right, she simply takes Castle's arm and lets him guide her and her IV pole into the bathroom. Opening the door she turns and puts her palm up to Castle's chest.

"This is as far as you go Big Rick."

An involuntary grin breaks out across his face as he basks in the glow of his favorite nickname. Then he leans in until their noses are only inches apart.

"You sure? I've been known to do some amazing things in bathrooms."

Hand firmly on Castle's chest, Kate shakes her head and rolls her eyes. He really is incorrigible. Not that she'd have it any other way.

"No. Not in this bathroom you won't."

"As you wish."

He holds his ground while raising an eyebrow in a final appeal. They have a momentary stand off before Kate steps further inside and shuts the door almost hitting Castle in the face.

"Not funny! You could've broken my nose."

Her privacy secured, Kate laughs at Castle's whining on the other side of the door. Leaning on the sink, she closes her eyes and exhales. When she opens them again she's not happy with the image staring back at her in the mirror. She looks worse than she thought. Eyes all red and puffy. Face flushed. Multicolored goose egg on her forehead. No wonder her head hurt so badly. As if that weren't enough, she's a sweaty mess. For what must be the hundredth time tonight she wonders what she was thinking letting Castle see her like this. The knock at the door startles her. Of course he can't even give her five minutes alone. Not even in a bathroom. She summons her best exasperated tone ready to hammer home her point that she is too independent to have him hovering.

"I haven't changed my mind Cas..Rick. If you…"

"Kate, it's Liz. I have that change of clothes for you."

Rubbing her face, she hopes Castle didn't hear her. Who's she kidding? Of course he heard her. He's probably out there with that cocky smile on his face right now.

"Kate?"

"Oh, right. Come in."

"Everything okay? You look a little flushed."

"Everything's great! Ready to put something dry on. I just need some help with these ties. Castle must've been a boy scout or a sailor or something the way he made these knots."

Kate sighs as she turns around so that Liz can start untying the gown. She's not exactly sure why she's rambling about Castle and knots. She should be able to shut up. Instead, she's showing about as much self control as he normally does.

"You know, It's not uncommon to have night sweats when you're running a fever. Are you still having nightmares?"

Nightmares. The word makes Kate cringe. As her body tenses she can feel her face getting warm.

"Yeah but they're better than they were earlier tonight. Castle's helped."

"Better is good. So your boyfriend seems real nice."

If she wasn't standing here naked and freezing her butt off trying to change gowns, Kate would whip around and give Liz one of her most intimidating interrogation stares. Of course, remembering she is in a place where they could pretty much stick her with needles anytime they wanted, she bites her tongue and uses her nicest voice.

"Castle? He's not my boyfriend."

Grateful to be standing behind Kate, Liz's jaw drops. She was certain they were dating. Over the years, she's seen many couples come through the emergency room and very few of the men were nearly as attentive as Rick Castle is to this woman.

"Oh, sorry. I just thought…you guys looked so…"

Getting the second gown on a bit faster, Kate happily put them both out of their misery.

"Liz, it's okay. Really. I think I've got it from here. Thank you."

"Sure thing. I just need you to take these meds for me."

Kate swallows the pills and smiles awkwardly as Liz walks out. By herself once again, her mind goes to the question of whether there could be a future where Castle is her boyfriend. Surprisingly the thought did not terrify or offend her nearly as much as it would have at one time. If Kate's honest with herself, she can even admit that she doesn't mind the idea at all. She's always liked Castle. Will saw it the first day he'd spent with them. It's not like it's the first time she's imagined it. Looking in the mirror, she finally asks herself the one question she's been trying so hard to avoid.

"What the hell are you doin' Kate?"

The truth is she has no idea.

**A/N:**

Hope you liked this update. So only Chapters 14 & 15 left to Just Another Layer. I'm going to do my best to wrap it up in March. Thanks again! You guys rock!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **

_THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! :-D_

_Enjoy the latest chapter…._

**Chapter 14**

Staring at her reflection, Kate reluctantly accepts that soap and water are only going to fix so much. She's stalling. Castle's already checked on her once yet she's in no hurry to leave the confines of her tiny sanctuary. She's replayed the events of the past few hours second guessing all of it. Her intentions. His intentions. The implications. To put herself at ease, she methodically eliminated one after the other until her mind moved on to thoughts of how far they've come. From the very beginning Castle knocked her off balance, taking her on a ride that kept her simultaneously starstruck, annoyed and intrigued. That was just their first case. Once he officially became part of her team, all bets were off. She quickly learned life with Rick Castle was messy. The man seemed to take great pleasure in turning her nicely ordered and compartmentalized world upside down. Still, even after all that's happened between them, he's become one of the people she trusts most in this life.

Forcing herself to focus, Kate commits to a plan. She'll go with what she knows and what she knows is that Detective Kate Beckett and Rick Castle are friends. That's all. Keeping it that way is best for everyone. No more of this weepy Kate stuff. She's not one of his groupies. It was one book signing and he doesn't even know she was there. No, definitely not one of writer boy's groupies swooning over his fancy words and sexy smile. When she leaves this bathroom, she'll behave like the friend he knows. The detective friend. She's Kate Beckett and this detective will not be getting back into bed with Rick Castle. No matter how much she might want to. Not tonight. Not ever. Taking a deep breath, Kate leaves the refuge of the bathroom disappointed to find the perky nurse flirting with her _friend_.

"Kate. Hi. Rick said you had a little trouble standing so I wanted to make sure you were steady on your feet. Are you having any dizziness?"

Liz watches the detective size her up. It's obvious her patient's not pleased that she's still in the room. She hadn't planned to stay but couldn't resist stealing a few minutes with the very charming mystery writer.

"No. I'm fine."

The defiant edge to her words there by design, Kate raises an eyebrow as she glares at Castle. Of course he told the nurse about her stumble but that's not why she's angry. She's angry that, even here, he has to flirt with every woman he meets. The remorseless blue eyes staring back at her only make it worse. If she could shoot him, she would.

The death glare fixed on him tells Castle that his day of being the knight is nearing its end. He resisted waiting by the bathroom door knowing too well that letting Kate exercise some independence would make her feel better than any medicine this hospital could offer. So he waited, occupying himself with an innocent conversation with an adoring fan. He's happy to see Kate looking more like the woman he's used to. Her eyes full of a determination that had been missing earlier and he's even happier that it's partly fueled by jealousy.

Irrational. That's the only way to describe the feelings bubbling up in her. Slightly embarrassed, Kate looks away from Castle. It's then that she notices the crisp white bed sheets under the blanket splayed nicely over the bed as if it is a quilt from home.

Pushing aside her irritation, Kate clears her throat and looks over to the nurse, "Thank you. For the clean sheets"

"You're thanking the wrong person detective."

"Really?"

The sarcasm can be heard loud and clear as Kate whips her head towards Castle. Usually he's the one leaving a trail of chaos behind not cleaning it up.

"Guilty"

Castle's laying there looking as comfortable as she imagines him to be in his own bed at night. With his hands crossed behind his head, he matches the sarcasm in her voice with the gleeful pride in his. Playboy smile painted across that annoyingly handsome face. He couldn't be more proud of himself and she knows it.

"You always are."

Kate holds his stare even as the wink he gives unnerves her. It's not helping that he's looking at her as if he's won some epic battle between the two. Times like these, she finds him the most difficult to read.

"I never knew you were so domestic. You do windows too Castle?"

"You're welcome."

With Kate feeling better, Castle can enjoy what he's about to do that much more. Smiling, he pats the spot next to him on the bed.

Beckett's a little unsure of what to do. Not only had she not expected Liz to be there flirting with Castle but she expected him to be sitting in the chair or standing when she came out of the bathroom. Anywhere but stretched out on this bed that had somehow become theirs.

Observing the standoff, Liz starts wondering if the detective didn't hit her head harder than they think. That can be the only explanation for why she's taking playing hard to get to a new level. Handsome, funny, caring and loaded. What more could a woman want? She can't stand by and watch the writer be shot down.

"Oh, go on. You both look like you could use some more sleep. Even with two people in it, that bed's a lot more comfortable than one of these hard chairs. Plus, Kate you slept much better with him than when you were sleeping by yourself."

"See, even your nurse thinks it's a good idea."

Kate stands mouth open, brain stuck somewhere between disgust and completely creeped out. Needles or not she is starting to hate this nurse.

"You saw us?"

Liz smiles at seeing the feisty detective she's heard so much about finally make an appearance. Amused, she nods towards the camera above them in the corner.

"This is one of our observation rooms. No audio, just video. I've got some other patients to check on. Call if you need anything."

Kate's in disbelief as the nurse slips out leaving them alone once more. There it is mounted in plain sight. All of the times she's been in the emergency room, she's not sure she's ever noticed it.

"Did you know that camera was there?"

"I may have noticed at some point. Your detecting skills are slipping."

"I was a little preoccupied but I guess you were too busy entertaining that nurse to tell me."

Before the regret reaches her eyes, Castle recognizes the truth behind Kate's words. She may be looking and talking more like Beckett but she is far from okay. This night has taken a heavy toll on her.

"How long do you plan on standing there Kate?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm tired of being in that bed."

"As exhausted as you are, I doubt that. C'mon, you know you want to."

"Wanna what Castle?"

Relieved to hear the familiar playfulness returning to her voice, he lets her calling him Castle slide. He's even grateful to see the annoyed look back on her face. All good signs. He would spend a thousand nights like this if it would help her.

"Do I detect a little bit of nerves in the fearless Kate Beckett?"

She raises an eyebrow at his challenge. Of course, she understands exactly what he's talking about. All that's left is to decide how far she's willing to go. It's one thing for him to get into bed with her. Quite another for her to do the same.

Castle watches her eyes. As usual, they give her away. He's not sure who else can see it but he can. After all the time they've spent together, she still manages to surprise him except in moments like these. In these moments, he can read her as if she's an open book. For him, it's all in her eyes. When she walked out of the bathroom, he could see the split second of shock that he was still occupying the bed. He ruined her plan to reclaim it as her own. More importantly, doing so made it impossible for Kate to walk out of that bathroom and pretend the dreams, the tears, the cuddling hadn't happened. They would pretend soon enough. He isn't ready yet, and, her eyes say she isn't either.

"What you want. What you really want is to climb back into this bed."

"Castle I don't wa…"

"You were comfortable in my arms and you know it. Let's at least be honest about that."

He had her. Hospital beds were horribly uncomfortable. It's true that Castle made a better pillow. That wasn't it though. She's slept in places much more uncomfortable than this more times than she cared to remember. Falling asleep at her desk was less comfortable. It was about more than being comfortable. In his arms, Kate felt safe. Not many people or things made her feel that way. She didn't let them. Tonight, Castle had been able to when she needed it most. That means more to her than any other comfort.

"You do have better padding than those flat pillows."

"You know how I know you were comfortable?"

"How?"

Trying to seem as disinterested as possible, Kate can barely remember the words of her bathroom pep talk from only minutes ago. Instead, she's caught up in yet another of Castle's stories as he sets it up and reels her in like he's done so many times. The only difference is that this time she's the story.

"You were snoring."

The words are barely out before there's a huge gotcha smile on Castle's face. He wonders if she even realizes that she's moving closer to the bed as they go back and forth.

"I've never had any complaints before."

"Not complaining. Observing. It's what I do, remember?"

"Yes, I remember you not doing it very well."

"Not true. I do the observing very well. It is the silent part I choose to skip."

Shifting her feet, Kate is now only an arm's length away from the bed. Castle's still in the same spot, no doubt enjoying how his plan's coming together. She should have expected something like this. Suddenly, she can't remember why sharing a bed with him is such a bad idea.

"C'mon get in. It's only a few hours."

Chewing her lip, she's contemplating her next move as a wave of calm washes over here. They're friends. Friends could share a bed without it being anything else. They'd already been doing it. A few more hours isn't going to change anything.

"Fine but only because I'm tired."

Then, as though she's done it a million times before, Kate slips into bed as Castle holds the sheet and blanket up for her. That's when she notices he's arranged it so there's a blanket between them. Seems Rick Castle is full of pleasant surprises. Settling in, she turns so that she's facing him once more.

"I don't snore."

"Don't worry. I'm not planning on telling anyone except maybe Esposito and Ryan."

"Go ahead. It's your reputation you'll be ruining."

"How so?"

"Imagine people finding out that Bachelor #9 is a cuddler. What would the women of New York City think then?"

Truth is he's more than happy to spend his nights cuddling her without giving any other woman in NYC a second thought let alone all of them. Unfortunately, that's a conversation for another time. Tonight his main objective isn't just to get Kate into bed. It's to get her back to sleep.

"It's probably a good time for you to go back to sleep. What do you think?"

"I think I'm not tired Castle. When did you turn into my father?"

"Call me whatever you'd like. You still need to sleep."

Kate moves her eyes to the empty space between them. That she was able to sleep somewhat restfully before doesn't mean she wants to push her luck. She would much rather take her chances and stay awake. What she really wants to do is ask Castle to talk to her, tell her a story from one of his books. For some reason, she can't bring herself to ask.

"If you don't want to sleep, then maybe we can play doctor. I could probably find myself a stethoscope and that thingy to check your tonsils. I'm even dressed for the part now. "

That he is. Proudly dressed in the hospital issued scrub shirt that Liz must've given him to replace his wet Armani shirt. She knew it was only a matter of time before he brought up playing doctor again.

"Haven't had my tonsils since I was 8. Anyway, I think there are enough doctors running around here without you pretending to be one."

"Is that a maybe?"

"Castle the only way we're playing doctor is if I'm the one holding the scalpel."

"Deal but only if I get to be naked."

She shakes her head and they fall into a comfortable silence. She's still struggling. He's watched her for too long not to notice the sadness she's trying to hide in her face. He knows she's scared to go back to sleep. He doesn't blame her. If he had those dreams he wouldn't want to either.

"You know when Alexis was younger and couldn't fall asleep she used to cuddle up and find a spot right here." He pats his heart then continues, "Said it helped to calm her down when she was upset. Worked every time. She still puts her head there from time to time."

"Castle"

"No more fighting remember? We agreed."

"No. You agreed."

"You didn't disagree."

Kate's warning tone is a little weaker than usual but that she's back on the defensive is clear. Not wanting things to return to their earlier tension, Castle tries another tactic.

"Is it my fault my muscular arms are your equivalent of honey milk?"

Kate laughs releasing some of the sadness that had returned. As much as it makes her nervous, she appreciates Castle so much right now. That he's making things okay for her yet again. Always when she needs it the most.

"It's just a few inches further. You can do it."

"I still hate you"

Remembering all the times she told him that in the beginning of their relationship makes him smile. Whether because of his ego or something else, he never took those words as an insult. Each time he heard them, he became more determined to win the tough detective over.

"I know and I'm completely okay with that."

The mischief in his blue eyes makes her wish she could just let go but she can't. Kate likes to be in control. After her mom died and her dad started drinking, having control was the only thing that kept her sane some days. It let her believe that random acts wouldn't destroy her world. Ten years later, the idea of giving up some of that control and depending on someone too much scares her to death.

"I swear Castle. Breathe a word of this to anyone. Anyone and I'll…"

"I know. You'll shoot me"

Why he always sounds so excited when she talks about shooting him, Kate will never understand. Taking a deep breath, she scoots over just a bit and he does too. Like so many other times, they meet in the middle. Kate shifts her body so she's leaning against him, resting her head on the hand she placed on his chest.

"No. Death would be too good for you"

Thankful her voice doesn't betray her, she closes her eyes trying to silence the part of her brain shouting objections.

"What then?"

"If you tell anyone this you'll be eating out of a straw for the next month. That means no hotdogs."

Castle answers her by wrapping his arms around her. He's tentative and a little awkward now that she's fully awake. The first time was on instinct but this is Kate choosing to let him hold her. He can't believe how a woman so larger than life at work feels so small in his arms. Holding her feels good. Maybe too good.

"With all the times you've threatened to shoot me, it's more than a little ironic that my hands are exactly where your gun usually is."

Kate's laugh encourages him to hold her even tighter. She'll never understand how much this means to him. Sure, he helped with cases all the time but there were only a few times she's ever come to him for help. It always makes him feel proud knowing that she trusts him. Cop or not, those are the times that he feels most like her partner.

"Thank you ."

"For what Castle?"

"Letting me do this. Letting me be here."

His words leave Kate speechless as she feels the lump grow in her throat and tears in her eyes. She stays silent when he pulls her towards him until her head rests at the spot by his heart. Sliding her hand to his waist, she buries her head in hopes of hiding the expression on her face.

They don't talk for almost an hour. It's unlike them but it's not awkward. Kate's glad that Castle's the first to fall asleep this time. She knows he's exhausted and feels guilty he's not in his own bed. Forcing herself to stay awake, Kate relaxes listening to the sound of his breathing. The truth that she fit as comfortably into his arms as she seemed to his life doesn't slip past her. Neither does the reality that Castle is helping her through this night like his books had when she lost her mom. For years, his words had kept her company. Sometimes she thinks they were the only thing that saved her from the loneliness and hopelessness that threatened to consume her. If someone told Kate that one day she would trust the man, not his books, to be there in her darkest moments she would have sworn they were crazy. Yet here they are and she's finding it more and more difficult to come up with reasons why depending on Rick Castle is anything but good.

**A/N:**

_Hope you enjoyed it. You guys rock for reading. The last chapter will be posted sooner rather than later. Thanks again! _


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**

_Originally, this story was only supposed to be 5 chapters, 15 chapters later I just want to say THANKS! There's no way to properly thank you for reading or for the reviews, alerts & support except to say feedback is priceless. It helps to right wrong directions, inspires to keep writing when you wonder if anyone's reading, & gives the courage to post when worrying the chapters aren't as good as we want them to be. Your response has been appreciated more than you know. Thank you so much & I hope you like the way this story ends._

**Chapter 15**

The steady rhythm of Castle's breathing above her ear, Kate snuggles deeper into the blankets to escape the cold. As she forces her eyes open, she's not pleased to find the reason for her discomfort awkwardly bent between the bed and chair. This time, instead of being amused by Castle, she's disappointed that in the light of day it's only a pillow they share. All night what she's wanted most is for morning to come. Little did she know how unprepared she would be for the reality that would accompany it.

Careful not to wake her companion, Kate tilts her head to see the face that's turned her life upside down. Just as_ s_he should have known a week without Castle wouldn't be as easy as she hoped, she was naïve to think last night wouldn't change anything. For months, she's watched the line they've walked since day one get thinner and thinner. Still, she refused to acknowledge it. The longer she could pretend it wasn't shrinking, the longer she could put off facing something she wasn't quite ready for. Dating Rick Castle always seemed dangerous to her. If they ever both ventured over that line, there would be no going back. No do-overs. She's not convinced it wouldn't end badly and, the truth is, she's no more ready to give up working with Castle than she is his friendship. More than that, getting him home safely at the end of the day is her responsibility. There's no room for failure. She never wants to speak those devastating words to Martha and Alexis. Never wants to be haunted by dreams of Rick Castle. That means she cannot afford to be any more distracted than she already is. Taking a deep breath she finds blue eyes staring down at her.

Waking up to the face of Kate Beckett is something Castle's sure he can get used to. He's intrigued seeing her eyes, a little more guarded than when he fell asleep, speckled with something he can't identify. He would dare anyone to convince him it's not one of the best views in the city. Though, without a doubt, the best view is his earlier spot with Kate tucked in his arms. Still, he's happy she's curled up on the edge of the bed right next to him. In the story he's written for them, she's there because she misses his touch as much as he does hers.

Watching her, his mind drifts into the dangerous territory that is the future. How would their story end? He knows how he would write Rook and Heat's but theirs remains a mystery. Will they become strangers? Kate ending up as nothing more than a set of initials in a book dedication. Another muse of his past, living only in his memories and the imaginations of his readers. Will she become the best friend he's been without for too long? One day being the keeper of secrets he willingly reveals, not just the ones she's clever enough to figure out. Will she be the one who gives in to the lust he catches in her eyes? Unleashing the spark they share that is too often extinguished by interruptions. Is she the Kate that will one day look at him with love in her eyes? Lounging in bed on Sunday mornings doing the NY Times crossword and spending lazy days reading. Could he be Kate Beckett's one and done? The two of them growing old together in this city they both love. Waiting to learn how this story will end excites and worries him like no other.

Turning away from Castle, Kate doesn't like that her nerves are back. No matter how many times she tells herself it's just Castle, a million thoughts rush through her mind. Rationally she knows those things he saw, while they may have worried him, did not scare him away. He may have told her that she's the one who doesn't give up, doesn't let go but neither does he. Like had become his habit, he stayed by her side, letting her come to him and pushing only when he realized she may not be able to get there on her own. None of this makes it any easier for the part of her that's ashamed of what she revealed to let go of her fear.

As is the case most mornings, Castle's in no hurry to begin the day. He wants to hold onto this Kate a little while longer. It was hard enough pulling himself out of her bed to answer a call from nature. When he came back she looked too peaceful sprawled across the bed to move so, like he does almost every day, he settled into the closest chair. It wasn't nearly as comfortable or enjoyable as the bed but he was more than happy to sit beside her. If not for Kate's fidgeting with her necklace again, he would still be perfectly content.

"Good morning"

_Good morning_. Kate's returned this greeting thousands of times yet she can't seem to get the words out. This morning, that phrase feels more like a hollow pleasantry exchanged by strangers. She's sure there are better words. Words that will make Castle understand how much she appreciates what he did for her last night. How much it means to her that he chose to stay. Maybe even that she missed him. The right words can change everything, and, maybe this morning she can be brave enough to try them. The smile he's giving her, reassuring her that nothing has changed, makes her want to try.

"Castle, thanks. I, uh…"

"Hey, you don't need to."

The uncertainty in Kate's voice is enough to make him want to pull her into a big hug. He can't stand to watch this woman who spends her life making things right for others, again struggle trying to do what she thinks is the right thing. There's no need for her to say anything more. He already knows. It's written all over her face in the awkward smile and the faint glimmer that's returning to those green eyes.

"It's morning. All is forgotten just like I promised."

Kate is speechless as another moment is lost. This time, though, she knows she has no one to blame but herself. She's the one who made him promise. Writer man picked one hell of a time to start listening.

"Ouch. They really don't make these chairs for comfort. "

Kate doesn't bother hiding her amusement as a grimacing Castle maneuvers himself off of the bed. Of the many words she would use to describe the writer, graceful will never be one of them.

"Oh, don't be such a baby."

"Your concern truly is touching. It really hurts and it's all your fault."

Castle's baiting doesn't go unnoticed. Her teeth pull at her lip as she considers accepting his challenge. A challenge she knows will lead to a discussion of their sleeping together in the same bed. Kate would but Beckett, well, Beckett's not convinced it's the best idea.

"I'm sure you've woken up in worst positions Castle. Maybe if that nurse is still around, she can give you a massage."

"Speaking of positions, I always imagined when we finally slept together, we would wake up _without _our clothes on."

The pain in his neck no longer his main concern, Castle leans in from his perch on the edge of her bed. His disappointment seeing the shyness of Kate disappear as the mask of Beckett returns is eased only by the way her eyes dance as they enter into one more round of this game they've mastered.

"We did not sleep together."

"Sure we did."

Shaking her head, Kate's not at all surprised that Castle looks almost as happy as he does when someone mentions murder. Ready for a fight she shifts to her side a bit so that she can use her elbow to prop herself up. It's as close to equal footing as she can manage laying in a hospital bed. Her glare dares him to make his case.

"Technically we did Detective."

How foreign the word _detective _sounds after a single night of _Kate _catches Castle off guard. He forced himself to say it to prove to her that things hadn't changed. That in spite of what he witnessed last night, they are still Castle and Beckett, writer and muse. Maybe even to remind himself that Kate and Rick were not reality. Not yet.

"Well, that doesn't count."

"One way or another everything counts. You of all people should know that."

She does. Once things happen you can't take them back. You can apologize for them, deny them but they're still out there. As much as part of her desperately wants to pretend it didn't, this too counts. It's another test that they passed. More proof that they're stronger together. One more way that they have managed to entwine themselves into each other's lives. Whether or not they ever speak of it again, she knows neither will forget.

Castle is dying to know what Kate's thinking that makes her look away. Certain she's not going to tell him, he decides on a distraction instead of a question. Blowing away a stray hair from her face, he grins proudly seeing the annoyed look Kate throws his way.

"You're such a child Castle."

"You know, you're pretty cute when you sleep."

"Do you have any idea how creepy that sounds?"

"Perhaps to some, but not you. In fact, one day you're going to admit how much you like it."

"Not happening. Anyway, that's the last time you're gonna see me sleep."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. You never know what the future may bring."

Cursing herself for how nervous she lets him make her, Kate's brow furrows at the writer's insinuation. The man is bold. She would give him that.

"Besides with your terrible habit of falling asleep in break rooms and desks I'm confident I'll have plenty of opportunities."

Her smile as they easily slide back into the roles of Castle Beckett conceals her sadness. That their normal doesn't feel nearly as good as she remembered sends her mind to places it shouldn't be. In the light of the morning, there's no room for dreams.

"You can probably let go of my hand now Castle."

He breaks their stare to glance at their fingers peeking from under the blanket. When he sat in the chair he couldn't stand being so close and not touching her. For awhile, he sat brushing his thumb over her hand. That was enough until her fingers reached out to his. Now, letting go is the last thing he wants. He refuses to be the first to do it. He's not ready. Suddenly, he wonders if he ever will be.

"Do I have to?"

Briefly Kate considers the consequences of answering no. When she woke up, she was glad to feel his hand wrapped around hers. She had been in no hurry to let go. The warmth of her face brings her back to reality. Partners don't hold hands.

"Only if you want it to keep working."

Despite her threat and the painful memory of last night's death grip, Castle can think of a million things he'd rather do than let go. It isn't until he feels her fingers begin to fall away from his own that he sets his muse's hand free. Once apart, he slips deeper back into a reality that no longer seems good enough.

Releasing her hand, Castle's eyes remain locked on hers as intensely as ever. As much as she knows she should look away or say something, Kate can't. Fascinated by bright blue eyes, every unspoken thought drifts back to the man in front of her. Their silence is finally broken by the growling of her stomach followed by the even louder sound of Castle's chair scraping against the floor.

"Where are you going?"

Abruptly sitting up, Kate's not happy to see the smug grin on his face confirming that she had done a very bad job of keeping the panic out of her voice.

"There's a little café next door. I thought I'd get us some decent breakfast. Don't want you yelling at any one else today."

"And a bear claw?"

The pout staring back at him is exactly why he really doesn't want to leave Kate alone. He's almost certain when he returns Beckett will have hidden most of this Kate away. It's just a matter of time.

"I said decent breakfast, but yes, I will bring you coffee and a bear claw. First, though, you have to promise that you'll eat a real breakfast. Whatever I bring back. No complaints."

If Castle has to leave the comfort of this drab hospital room that's become their little hideaway, he's making sure she gets more than sugar and caffeine. For a woman who survives on takeout, bear claws and insane amounts of coffee, this breakfast will likely be the healthiest meal Kate eats the rest of the weekend.

"Okay. Deal."

This time, instead of minding how well he knows her, Kate basks in the comfort of it. She trusts him. Since that one time, he has never betrayed her. Every day she believes a little more that he never will again.

"I'll be back."

Rolling her eyes at his terrible Terminator impression, Kate watches him walk happy as she is to leave the hospital behind, she's feeling a little sad to say goodbye to Kate and Rick. They were kind of sweet together. Honest with each other. Once more she silences the annoying voice reminding her of what might have been under different circumstances.

"Oh and Kate"

Startled to see Castle reappear, she looks up, "Yeah"

"Don't get into any trouble before I get back."

Before Kate can say anything he's gone. Wrapping herself tighter in the warm blanket that smells a little like her favorite author, she stares at the vacant doorway and smiles.

He's still calling her Kate.

**A/N:**

_I hope you enjoyed the end. I had a few stories that I was working on and I decide to combine them into a story arc as a follow up to this one. There will be follow up story to this one...at some point. Thanks again, it was a fun ride! _


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